broken marriage

[12580]

I am in quite a sticky situation. I became very good friends with a married coworker. He and his wife seemed to be happy enough...they just had a little girl 8 weeks ago. He and I talk on the phone and send text messages to each other (outside of work)...and there is definitely a connection between us, but it has not been acted upon. Anyway, his wife got a hold of his cell phone and saw there were messages from me on it..she then proceeded to check his phone bill...and saw there were numerous calls made to my cell phone. I guess I didn't think that we were doing anything wrong...but she did. She called him at work. Accused him of cheating on her. Packed her stuff...and took the baby to her mothers house. He left work...tried to calm her down...and in the end he is now going to live with his brother. (by the way this has all culminated within the last 8 hours) She has an appointment to see a divorce attorney tomorrow. I am so upset because I feel like this is all my fault. Does anyone have any advice on what I could do to help the situation? I never intended for any of this to happen...I know his wife and I like her...I would never do anything to break up a family.

[Concerned reader]

Dear 12580

Stay out of it. The sticky situation is between the man and his wife. You can only make a bad situation worse.

Now would be a very good time to take any holiday you are due and go for a nice trip somewhere, perhaps find a beau who is available to connect with you.

With any luck the lady will calm down and the lawyer will persuade her to go for counselling with her H. Her interests, the baby's interests and the man's interests are best served by them honouring their vows to each other and loving the child as it deserves to be.

You deserve more than a man who does things which do look suspiciously like cheating. Find someone who will better reward your regard and affection.

Just in case you are experimenting with the idea of taking this any further, remember that you would have been rushed in to accepting a partner about whom you know little, except that they compromise their loyalty to loved ones right at the very time that woman is at her most vulnerable and deserving of loyalty. Is that what you fancy for yourself?

Plus, there is a lifetime of obligation to child support, someone else's timetable, split availability, and the effect on any children you might one day have. Is that the sort of future you had in mind?

I would run a mile in tight shoes to avoid any of this and can only urge you to do likewise.

Good luck, let us know if you have a good holiday.

[Velvetrope]

What a dreadful spot to be in!! I find relationships with men when you are a woman are quite acceptable if they are not in private. Private phonecalls to cell phones sound a bit suspicious to me. However I realize there are men out there who have platonic relationships with women. I don't believe yours was one of them. As you mentioned, there was a definate connection between you, and what would have happened if his wife hadn't found out, do you think it could have gone further?
I understand you aren't a 'family wrecker' though probably not someone I would like befriending my hubby!!! I think many of these things just happen, and aren't intentional.
Honestly though, if his wife has accused him of cheating with no real proof of it, other than a couple of numbers on his phone bill, more fool her I say. I think she would have to have a pretty good reason for moving out and all of this progressing so quickly unless he had done this before and she was on tenter hooks in an unhappy marriage anyway!!
Personally, I wouldn't beat yourself up about it too much if you didn't even kiss the guy. They are on their own path.
I wouldn't go taking any holiday, that would look guilty to me if you suddenly disapear for two weeks!!! BUT... I would lay low, avoid all further contact with this man, and explain to anyone presuming an affair that friendship was all it ever was, and just leave it at that. If he ever contacts you again, I would just straight out tell him that under the circumstances, you think it best that you don't talk anymore. Let's face it, he is a married man!!