Richard
12th October 2004, 12:59 PM
Hi
All summer my wife had been very active on a forum and has made a number of friends who she chats to most nights in private chat conferences. 3 weeks ago I felt things had changed slighlty between us and she was becoming less talkative and decretive so rightly or wrongly I looked at her laptop while she was at work and found messages between her and one of her male friends which were of a suggestive nature. I confronted her very calmly about this and we had a very tearful night in which she told me it was just a bit of fun, nothing more. To begin with I had some severe trust problems and I know I hurt her with some comments I made over the following week.She said she would not speak to this particular person again for my benefit but would still like to chat to her other friends to which I reluctantly agrred.As the days passed I tried my hardest to trust her and after a few faltering steps I believe I was beginning to, in fact I very soon came to the realisation that we had, because of work and children, probably been just taking each other for granted and that I am so so deeply in love with her. Then, last night she asked if she could join a chat conference one member of whom being the guy she had been suggestive with. I faltered and she accused me of not trusting her which is probably true in a sense but I have been trying and I felt I was turning a corner and I thought she felt the same way. In fact over the past week we have both said that we love each other very much and that our relationship was stronger as a result of all the unpleasantness.Anyway last night she wanted to join this conference and when I faltered she went mad, I wanted to talk rationally but she wouldn't listen and said that she'd finally had enough of it all and wanted out. I went out for a while to let the situation cool down. When I got back we talked and she said she'd be totally 100% honest with me.She said that she felt that she had spoken with this guy because there was something missing from our relationship, she said that she loved me very much as a friend asnd as the best father her children could have but she didn't love me as a person in that sense and that she hadn't for years or been happy because of it. She said that the thought of being together still was more abhorrent than the thought of being alone but that for the sake of our children that there must be no sudden moving out from either of us and that we must proceed calmly forward until we work out what's best but that ultimately she wants us to be apart.
This has just been too much for me to take in, it's been bad enough over the past 3 weeks but I just love her so much I can't face the prospect of being without her, I can't face the prospect of not seeing my children and I just don't know how to go on feeling like I am at the moment. She has agreed to go to relate with me for the sake of the children and just to see if anything at all can be salvaged but she doesn't hold out much hope.But I just can't stop crying and I don't know what to do or who to turn to or anything anymore.
Please help
All summer my wife had been very active on a forum and has made a number of friends who she chats to most nights in private chat conferences. 3 weeks ago I felt things had changed slighlty between us and she was becoming less talkative and decretive so rightly or wrongly I looked at her laptop while she was at work and found messages between her and one of her male friends which were of a suggestive nature. I confronted her very calmly about this and we had a very tearful night in which she told me it was just a bit of fun, nothing more. To begin with I had some severe trust problems and I know I hurt her with some comments I made over the following week.She said she would not speak to this particular person again for my benefit but would still like to chat to her other friends to which I reluctantly agrred.As the days passed I tried my hardest to trust her and after a few faltering steps I believe I was beginning to, in fact I very soon came to the realisation that we had, because of work and children, probably been just taking each other for granted and that I am so so deeply in love with her. Then, last night she asked if she could join a chat conference one member of whom being the guy she had been suggestive with. I faltered and she accused me of not trusting her which is probably true in a sense but I have been trying and I felt I was turning a corner and I thought she felt the same way. In fact over the past week we have both said that we love each other very much and that our relationship was stronger as a result of all the unpleasantness.Anyway last night she wanted to join this conference and when I faltered she went mad, I wanted to talk rationally but she wouldn't listen and said that she'd finally had enough of it all and wanted out. I went out for a while to let the situation cool down. When I got back we talked and she said she'd be totally 100% honest with me.She said that she felt that she had spoken with this guy because there was something missing from our relationship, she said that she loved me very much as a friend asnd as the best father her children could have but she didn't love me as a person in that sense and that she hadn't for years or been happy because of it. She said that the thought of being together still was more abhorrent than the thought of being alone but that for the sake of our children that there must be no sudden moving out from either of us and that we must proceed calmly forward until we work out what's best but that ultimately she wants us to be apart.
This has just been too much for me to take in, it's been bad enough over the past 3 weeks but I just love her so much I can't face the prospect of being without her, I can't face the prospect of not seeing my children and I just don't know how to go on feeling like I am at the moment. She has agreed to go to relate with me for the sake of the children and just to see if anything at all can be salvaged but she doesn't hold out much hope.But I just can't stop crying and I don't know what to do or who to turn to or anything anymore.
Please help