My wife has turned cold

[Craig]

2 months ago my stepdaughter of 11yrs accused me of sexually abusing her i was arrested and placed on bail for 5 weeks the longest time of my life then on the final day of bail the CPA rang me to say they werenot taking the matter any further that was one hell of a relief but it still wasnt over because my wife didnt 100% know that i had done what i was accused of so she 2 days later managed to get the truth out of her i would have thought that was enough for my wife to be pleased and happy knowing that 1 i hadn't done this to her daughter and 2 that such a vile thing hadnt actually happened to her daughter, but all she has done is pushed me away her daughter said that she done it because she resented me being the dad to mine and my wifes children(1 boy 1 girl) anyway since then me and my wife have got back together but after 2 days she turns cold and tells me to leave we have got back together a further 3 times since only for her to do the same and this time she has turned really cold, i have tried and tried i have written her notes that she now refuses to read and i have told her that i love her and she also told me the same upto about a week ago now all she is saying is that she no longer wants to be with me and is showing no signs of any emotions for the last 7 years we have been together

can anybody help me please

[Liz]

Dear Craig,

I'm sorry no one has replied sooner. You've been through a horrendous experience and it must have been awful for your wife too.

Your wife may have been shocked by what her daughter has done and be struggling to know what to do for the best. If her own daughter made such awful accusations she must have been very unhappy and your wife may wonder whether it's possible to heal the hurts between you and her daughter. Sadly other doubts or uncertainties may have surfaced too.

Do you have someone you can both go and talk to, perhaps a counsellor (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/) or a trusted friend? There must be all sorts of hurts and trauma buried inside for both of you, and that can cause cofusion and make people behave strangely.

Best wishes

Liz

[mjdirect]

hi craig


you got a tough sitaution here. You seem to have division with your wife and her daughter. It sounds like your wife loves you alot as she has accepted you back many times. Its tricky for your wife having to be the meat between you and her daughter being as difficult she is making your family bond. My greatest advice Craig is open yourself 100% to loving all the family and show your wife you really love her from your heart and give 100% forgiveness to your stepdaughter for what she has done . Most important try lose the term step daughter - just call her your daughter and show her no difference in love between your own kids (blood) .

You be fine mate - keep at it and open that heart up!!!

[craig]

Thank you for your replies
I have always told my stepdaughter that she is my daughter and if i introduce her to people i always call her my daughter without thought because as far as i am concerned she always was but now it just feels like she has turned her back on me she was always happy with me she used to come to work with me and we always seemed to have a laugh together I have fully forgiven her and if she allowed me i will always be there to help her and will always be here to look to with her and to listen but she has told my wife " if i tell you the truth you will only get back with craig" and my wife said that she wouldn't so now my wife feels like she is betraying her daughter even though she has now moved to her dads.

I have always opened up my heart 110% and always shown my wife that i love her and i have always been there for her although she never opens up to me and if i was given the opportunity i always will be i will never give up on my marriage or my family because they are the most important people in my life and without them near me i am totally lost and don't want to do anything not even work even though i know that i should because i have always only worked to provide for them and now it seems that i don't have them i have just given up on that side of things my wife knows that i love her and knows why i can't get on with anything even when we have simple disagreements