nicola
27th September 2004, 10:31 AM
I am in my second marriage and married for five years now. A year and a half ago I discovered that my husband was having an online affair that become physical.
I wish that he had confessed before I discovered his affair, it would make it so much easier to forgive him. My difficulty is that I just can't get past it and I am unable to contribute to our marriage. Intimacy is a thing of the past and it's really sad.
Here is my story....
I met my husband online in 1996 then in person after eight months. We married in 1999. Although I discovered his affair in March 2003, he had been having online affairs since August 2001. Least that's the date I can track his online activities to. Our marriage was made possible after I moved from Australia to Canada with one of my children. A few short months later my second child also came here. My eldest child began a once a year visit but refused to actually move here. At the time of my move my children were 15, 16 and 17.
I struggled with the move and within a year or so realised how much this relationship had cost me. The main reason for me moving here was because my husband was earning the greater income and it would allow me and my children to travel to and from Australia as many as three times a year.
My husband's children at the time of our marriage were 13 and 16. I began to feel less and less important even though my husband tried his best to make it work or so I thought. Things got rather heated at times mostly over the usual problems blended families experience. It also didn't help that we were living 5 minutes away from his ex wife.
Two and a half years ago we moved to Vancouver, just the two of us while my stepchildren stayed with their mother. Also at this time my children had finished high school and returned to live in Australia with their father. My husband and I were busily working and spent our evenings together and although I sensed something wrong could never put my finger on it. I never once thought he was having an affair.
Out situation today is so strained because I cannot forgive him. We have both been to counseling and worked rather hard at putting it all behind us but I just can't. My head controls so much of what I think and not a day passes that I don't believe he is betraying me again and again. He is losing patience with my inability to forgive him and move forward.
Who of you have been through betrayal and successfully remained married? Is it possible to get the trust back? if so, how? My thoughts constantly remind me of what he did and I just cant forget the pain. At the time I discovered his infidelities I also hacked his email and discovered over 400 emails from a women he was with for a whole year. According to him they never ever met but they did engage in phone sex and constant chatting and of course those emails. I also learned that there were others along the way until the last woman. She was the one I found out about and unless I hacked his email would never have known there were more women.
My husband begs my forgiveness and begs that I try to believe in him.
Please give me any advice or suggestions from any of you who have been through similar experiences.
nicola
I wish that he had confessed before I discovered his affair, it would make it so much easier to forgive him. My difficulty is that I just can't get past it and I am unable to contribute to our marriage. Intimacy is a thing of the past and it's really sad.
Here is my story....
I met my husband online in 1996 then in person after eight months. We married in 1999. Although I discovered his affair in March 2003, he had been having online affairs since August 2001. Least that's the date I can track his online activities to. Our marriage was made possible after I moved from Australia to Canada with one of my children. A few short months later my second child also came here. My eldest child began a once a year visit but refused to actually move here. At the time of my move my children were 15, 16 and 17.
I struggled with the move and within a year or so realised how much this relationship had cost me. The main reason for me moving here was because my husband was earning the greater income and it would allow me and my children to travel to and from Australia as many as three times a year.
My husband's children at the time of our marriage were 13 and 16. I began to feel less and less important even though my husband tried his best to make it work or so I thought. Things got rather heated at times mostly over the usual problems blended families experience. It also didn't help that we were living 5 minutes away from his ex wife.
Two and a half years ago we moved to Vancouver, just the two of us while my stepchildren stayed with their mother. Also at this time my children had finished high school and returned to live in Australia with their father. My husband and I were busily working and spent our evenings together and although I sensed something wrong could never put my finger on it. I never once thought he was having an affair.
Out situation today is so strained because I cannot forgive him. We have both been to counseling and worked rather hard at putting it all behind us but I just can't. My head controls so much of what I think and not a day passes that I don't believe he is betraying me again and again. He is losing patience with my inability to forgive him and move forward.
Who of you have been through betrayal and successfully remained married? Is it possible to get the trust back? if so, how? My thoughts constantly remind me of what he did and I just cant forget the pain. At the time I discovered his infidelities I also hacked his email and discovered over 400 emails from a women he was with for a whole year. According to him they never ever met but they did engage in phone sex and constant chatting and of course those emails. I also learned that there were others along the way until the last woman. She was the one I found out about and unless I hacked his email would never have known there were more women.
My husband begs my forgiveness and begs that I try to believe in him.
Please give me any advice or suggestions from any of you who have been through similar experiences.
nicola