Coping with the "Other Woman"

[Hope]

After my husband confessed to his 2 year affair he moved out to live with his new partner and I’m still left here in the marital home with my two children. Its been 10 weeks now and I’m still upset, angry, feeling like one of life’s rejects and I’m struggling from day to day to live a normal life…… sounds familiar I know!

At the moment I could really do with some advice on how to cope with the “other woman”. Now that my husband is settled into his new home he has introduced his new partner to my children aged 9 and 11. I’m struggling with the thought that this woman who played a big part in breaking up my marriage is now sharing my children with me. It’s also very difficult when the children come home after their days out and tell me about the “other woman”. I know she’ll never take my place but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

I am getting strong days but I’m afraid I have more weak and sad days than strong and I’m not sure how to soldier on. Dealing with my husband ending this marriage and accepting my husband sharing his life with another woman is destroying me. If anyone else has experienced all of this and has any advice I would love to hear from you.

Hope

[JillC]

it is very early days yet - how could you be any calmer - you must still be in shock about what has happened. and, at this time you also have to be a strong parent to your children who must be bewildered by what is happening. give yourself time to adjust and to cope with all your feelings...... get all the support you can from friends and family.

[Hope]

Hi there Jill C

Thanks for your reply. You’re absolutely right it is early days. It feels like an eternity!!! I’ve been missing my husband very much and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about his new and cosy life with another woman and it’s driving me mad!!! My husbands new partner will be part of my children’s lives now and if I’m honest I don’t want her to be but I have to just accept it all and put up with it because I have no choice in the matter. She doesn’t have any children of her own and won’t be able to have any with my husband either because he’s had a vasectomy (luckily!). I suppose I’m scared that she’ll try to use my children to fill the gap in her life because she doesn’t have any children of her own – I know she wanted them and it was unfortunate that my husband cannot provide this for her.

I suppose I am still in shock and sometimes I just can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I have to move house, get a job and try to live a normal life. It’s very scary and sometimes the huge responsibility overwhelms me. I know my husband will still be a good father to the boys but even so its still going to be difficult for me coping alone.

The one thing that really bothers me about my feelings is that I may never accept the “other woman” being part of my children’s lives. I do hope I accept her one day otherwise I fear I will become an unhappy and bitter woman and I don’t want to be like that. Perhaps if I form a new relationship one day I will feel differently who knows…… at the moment that’s certainly not on the agenda and may not be for many, many years to come.
Thanks for the support Jill C
Hope

[JillC]

Just take care of yourself and the children - remember you had no choice, but neither did they.