Men, what do you think?

[smackie9]

All you husbands out there answer me this and please be honest. Do you fantansize about other women and or think about body parts(boobs, etc..) other than your wife while having sex. Are women naive to think that there husbands never fantasize about anyone but them?

[Alan]

An honest answer? For me, no. My wife was always enough for me.

[RTF]

No way for me but I've wondered if my wife did.

[FessUp]

I have fantasised about other women whilst making love to my wife. I haven't done it for a while though, as I've realised exactly how sexy she is (took about 8 years) and now get far more out of enjoying reality than I ever did in my "day dreams".

I don't feel guilty about it - what goes on in my head is my own business. I don't see it as a betrayal - I didn't really want to make love to these women - it was a fantasy!

I must admit I hadn't thought I was that unusual, but I do seem to be the only one to 'fess up!

[smackie9]

You've got that right!

[Rick from Virginia]

All you husbands out there answer me this and please be honest. Do you fantansize about other women and or think about body parts(boobs, etc..) other than your wife while having sex. Are women naive to think that there husbands never fantasize about anyone but them?

Just because a bird lands on your head doesn't mean you let it build a nest in your hair.

Just because the thought passes over our testostrone filled gray matter doesn't mean we can't have the disipline to know that dwelling on it leads to more than fantasy. Of course we all think about those things we just chose to honor our spouse or not

[Bertie thomas]

Well, alothuogh me and my wife are having a few problems, she is always enough for me.

when we got married, I hold dear to our vows " for richer for poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others". Im a God fearing man who thinks that marriage vows shouke be stuck to no matter what.

When I fantasize, it is always about my wife who I think is a very sexy lady. I mean why should I think about a hamburger when I have prime steak!

I love my wife dearly, no matter what. I get more out of the reality than I do out of fantasy. I can dream up what ever perfect woman, but at the end of the day she isnt real. What I do have is my wife.

She is more than enough for me

Bertie

[smackie9]

You guys don't get it. All fantasy is an extension of our sexuality and not a replacement for our spouse. Fantasy doesn't mean you are having sex with someone you know in your head. It can be visualizing a sex act that you are not partaking in. I don't paste another man face on my husband while having sex. I run like a porno in my head. That is not cheating, it's watching unknown others doing some kind of sex act, it gets me in the groove. It doesn't lead to cheating. I've always been faithful to my husband and we've been together for 15 years. Solid as a rock baby! Most people cheat because they are either insecure, depressed, suffer from drug or alcohol abuse, lowself esteam, feel neglected, or do it for revenge, not because of having fantasies.

[SH Jack]

My wife is neglecting me but I wouldnt cheat on her....

It all depends how one views the marriage vow. I happen to have a lot of respect for mine..,

[smackie9]

Hey Jack, off the topic here.

[Dave]

Hey - slow down there Smackie!!

When I make love to my wife I try and focus on what will bring HER the greatest pleasure - that was exactly what I promised in my marrriage vows!!

I'll not pretend there haven't been times when my mind has wandered, but it certainly doesn't help me keep my focus on my prime objective!!

Of course, if I weren't married and hadn't made the vows, I would probably focus much more on getting my pleasure - I'm sure fanasizing would be a fun part of this.

So I think Jack is right on topic in bringing his marriage vows right into the bedroom!!

The point is that the vows are all about doing the best for your husband/wife, they are not fundamentally vows about "not straying etc". What did you say in your vows Smackie??

Dave

[smackie9]

Weeeeee! Here we go again. I can see you follow what your religious beliefs teaches you. Sure ok. But it's written in articles that sex therapists state that sexual fantasies are normal and healthy. It's not cheating or straying. It's mutual between my husband and I that we have fantasies. Sexual fantasy isn't for everyone, but there's a lot of us who do enjoy it. Do you see horns growing out of my head or what??

[Dave]

Hi Smackie

I've no idea if you have a horny head - but it sounds like it!! :D

I haven't denied the "normality of fantasies" at all, but I have questioned their use in a marriage. And this has nothing to do with my religious beliefs, and everything to do with meaning what I said in my vows.

Your original question was about men fantasising and not telling their wives - I can only see this as the men being focussed on their own pleasure, and not being wholly focussed on giving their wife pleasure - not good. This is simply using your wife as a sexual object for your own pleasure - it is hardly respectful, loving or cherishing (three things I promised to Liz). I can't actually quite understand Smackie why you would want your husband to behave this way.

However, if the fantasy is shared, and the one partner wants to help the other realise or live their fantasy (ie is focussed on giving their partner pleasure), then fine. So if your fantasy has always been to make love with a farmer, well then dress in wellies and enjoy yourselves!!

Can you see the difference? In the one case the motivation is selfish, in the other its about drawing closer by sharing in the other's dreams and giving THEM the pleasure. This builds up the relationship.

So what did you promise in your vows Smackie - do tell us!!

Dave

[smackie9]

Dear Dave, I think you know the answer to this one....I'm not married or have kids. Living in sin with our cat, 15 years of non-wedded bliss. I'm touching the top of my head for those horns...nope..lol!

[Dave]

Hi Smackie

That's fine - though I was slightly confused by references to your "husband".

The only reason I was asking is that I think that making those vows has to affect how we behave (and think) in the bedroom as much as anywhere else. (If I didn't, why would we be running a website to do with marriage!).

Don't get me wrong, your relationship sounds great, and if it suits you and your man (and cat!) then that's great for you, but it may also mean that your views on what works in your relationship may not always accord with what works in one based on a set of vows - ie marriage.

Keep smiling!!

Dave

PS - Do I understand you get horny feeling the top of your head??? Now this I must try!!:D

[smackie9]

It saddens me that couples do lose sight of their wedding vows in times of troubles, when they should take a step back and remember. Good thing there's always this web site to remind them!;)

[Jay]

Hi Smackie9,

Yes, I fantasize occasionally about other no name women when making love to my wife. But not often.

I used to more often when first married in mid 20's. Now in mid 40's.

I will use fantasy more often when my wife is in the mood, and I am less so, and I don't want to miss the opportunity.

So, I will fantasize about various anonymous scenarios, to help get in the mood. It is almost always of anonymous people and parts.

Over the years my fantasies will change some. Lately, the one that I find most stimulating is fantasizing my wife being taken by me along with another man. I absolutley have no desire to see this happen, but the fantasy I find so hot.

Or a variation is of me and wife together, I get fully satiated, she has had an orgasm, but wants more, and I am spent. So another guy comes into the room and takes her to the next orgasm.

I think this fantasy came about when I realized in fact how 'much' capacity my wife and perhaps alot of women have for sex. I find this interesting and exciting.
And I guess the fantasy comes in 'as being the add on that I would like to see her fully satisfied, even if just in a fantasy.

It has nothing to do with wanting this situation in real life.

I shared this type of fantasy with my wife, and she finds it only ok, but not hot.

On the other hand she does like me to share various fantasies from time to time that I have about taking other anonymous women. Go figure. I guess we both see the best in each other.

[smackie9]

Dear Jay, I'm sure your wife has some of her own too. And you are right. It's just fantasy.