Hollygolightly
22nd September 2004, 11:27 AM
I am 33, my H is 35. We have been married for 2 1/2yrs, together for 8 1/2 and friends for 15yrs. I have a 10year old son who my H has brought up as his own. H has a very stressful job.
In Sept 01 (just before we got married) I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We fought it together. My H told me I had to be strong and fight, which I did. He was my rock. It took me a long, long time to recover and during that period I neglected my H. However in Dec 03 we agreed to try for a baby. In April 04 H said he didn't think I was capable of looking after a baby and to save our relationship we should stop trying. He stopped having sex with me. I turned the corner, health wise, in May 04 at the same time as my H dropped the bomb.
He told me he wasn't happy and didn't love me any more. We agreed to work at it as my health had improved I was like a new person. I thought everything was going really well, but a few weeks later he again said he thought we should split up. Again we agreed to work on it. The more I did the worse he felt.
At the beginning of July just before we went on holiday the same thing happen, but we went on holiday to see how we got on. We left for our holiday. I asked if he was seeing someone else - he said no. The next day I saw a text on his phone that he had sent starting ' hello gorgeous, sexy babe'. I confronted him and he said it was just to a work collegue and was a joke. I know the work collegue. I told him I thought that sort of friendship was inappropriate and he should back off. He agreed, but I became very paranoid.
A few days later I tried to break in to his phone because he was now keeping it off whenever he was with me. I broke the phone, he went mad, he went on about me not trusting him so there was no hope. I calmed him down and we got on with the rest of the holiday.
We arrived back on a Saturday and on the Sunday he was playing golf. I told him that if we had a hope he needed to be open like he had always been he said he would be but then we got into an arguement and he said he was leaving. In the end he agreed to come home after his golf, but was in a foul mood.
At the end of the week I took his golf clubs out of his car and found condoms in them. He denied all knowledge of them and promised he wasn't making a fool of me. We then had a fantastic weekend and even has sex.
A few days later I became suspicious again, his mobile phone bill wasn't going through the joint account and in his wallet was his work collegues address.
At the end of this week my son went away to stay with his dad for 2 weeks, I always find this upsetting. I spoke to my H and he said we would talk tonight, but he wouldn't be back until late as he was working in Dover. Later he texted to say he would be staying in Dover the night but back the next day.
I next morning I phoned him he eventually answered but was whispering, apparently because he was in a hotel lobby!!! I didn't believe him and drove to his work collegues house. His car was outside and he answered her door to me in his pants. I can't believe he has done this. He has been seeing her since April.
His collegue has just split from her husband so is on the rebound.
My H came home with me but packed a bag and left saying he needed time away to think. He would see me tomorrow (Sunday).
Unfortunately I saw him first with her. He told me he loved her and we were over. I wouldn't accept it. He came back to the house and eventually we agreed to get counselling to sort ourselves out and he would tell her to give us some space. He didn't move back home though.
We went to counselling and at the end of the week we went out together to buy my son's birthday presents and H told me the week after next he had to go to the South of France (where we had just come back from) on business. We saw my son briefly on his birthday and had a lovely family time. My H was said he was staying with his friend Andy. We had another counselling session and arranged more for when H got back from his business trip. At the weekend H spent time at the house with my son and told him he was going away on business but he would be back soon, after all he agreed we were trying to rebuild our relationship.
Whilst he was away I became suspicious again and it turns out he had actually gone on holiday with her. My son had a accident and ended up in hospital because of what H had done I wouldn't let him speak to my son and I changed the locks. Also he hadn't been staying at Andy's but with her so they had had no space from each other when he said they had.
Last weekend I went away and he turned up at the house without telling me and couldn't get in.
Now he says that there is no hope for us because of the hurt I have caused him by not letting him speak to Son when in hospital and changing the locks.
I haven't seen him for nearly 4 weeks now, he is living with her, he never calls me, I try not to call him but when I have he reluctantly says he hasn't given up all hope. He tells me I need to move on, but I can't. I want him back. What can I do?
Please help.
Holly
In Sept 01 (just before we got married) I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We fought it together. My H told me I had to be strong and fight, which I did. He was my rock. It took me a long, long time to recover and during that period I neglected my H. However in Dec 03 we agreed to try for a baby. In April 04 H said he didn't think I was capable of looking after a baby and to save our relationship we should stop trying. He stopped having sex with me. I turned the corner, health wise, in May 04 at the same time as my H dropped the bomb.
He told me he wasn't happy and didn't love me any more. We agreed to work at it as my health had improved I was like a new person. I thought everything was going really well, but a few weeks later he again said he thought we should split up. Again we agreed to work on it. The more I did the worse he felt.
At the beginning of July just before we went on holiday the same thing happen, but we went on holiday to see how we got on. We left for our holiday. I asked if he was seeing someone else - he said no. The next day I saw a text on his phone that he had sent starting ' hello gorgeous, sexy babe'. I confronted him and he said it was just to a work collegue and was a joke. I know the work collegue. I told him I thought that sort of friendship was inappropriate and he should back off. He agreed, but I became very paranoid.
A few days later I tried to break in to his phone because he was now keeping it off whenever he was with me. I broke the phone, he went mad, he went on about me not trusting him so there was no hope. I calmed him down and we got on with the rest of the holiday.
We arrived back on a Saturday and on the Sunday he was playing golf. I told him that if we had a hope he needed to be open like he had always been he said he would be but then we got into an arguement and he said he was leaving. In the end he agreed to come home after his golf, but was in a foul mood.
At the end of the week I took his golf clubs out of his car and found condoms in them. He denied all knowledge of them and promised he wasn't making a fool of me. We then had a fantastic weekend and even has sex.
A few days later I became suspicious again, his mobile phone bill wasn't going through the joint account and in his wallet was his work collegues address.
At the end of this week my son went away to stay with his dad for 2 weeks, I always find this upsetting. I spoke to my H and he said we would talk tonight, but he wouldn't be back until late as he was working in Dover. Later he texted to say he would be staying in Dover the night but back the next day.
I next morning I phoned him he eventually answered but was whispering, apparently because he was in a hotel lobby!!! I didn't believe him and drove to his work collegues house. His car was outside and he answered her door to me in his pants. I can't believe he has done this. He has been seeing her since April.
His collegue has just split from her husband so is on the rebound.
My H came home with me but packed a bag and left saying he needed time away to think. He would see me tomorrow (Sunday).
Unfortunately I saw him first with her. He told me he loved her and we were over. I wouldn't accept it. He came back to the house and eventually we agreed to get counselling to sort ourselves out and he would tell her to give us some space. He didn't move back home though.
We went to counselling and at the end of the week we went out together to buy my son's birthday presents and H told me the week after next he had to go to the South of France (where we had just come back from) on business. We saw my son briefly on his birthday and had a lovely family time. My H was said he was staying with his friend Andy. We had another counselling session and arranged more for when H got back from his business trip. At the weekend H spent time at the house with my son and told him he was going away on business but he would be back soon, after all he agreed we were trying to rebuild our relationship.
Whilst he was away I became suspicious again and it turns out he had actually gone on holiday with her. My son had a accident and ended up in hospital because of what H had done I wouldn't let him speak to my son and I changed the locks. Also he hadn't been staying at Andy's but with her so they had had no space from each other when he said they had.
Last weekend I went away and he turned up at the house without telling me and couldn't get in.
Now he says that there is no hope for us because of the hurt I have caused him by not letting him speak to Son when in hospital and changing the locks.
I haven't seen him for nearly 4 weeks now, he is living with her, he never calls me, I try not to call him but when I have he reluctantly says he hasn't given up all hope. He tells me I need to move on, but I can't. I want him back. What can I do?
Please help.
Holly