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Hollygolightly
22nd September 2004, 11:27 AM
I am 33, my H is 35. We have been married for 2 1/2yrs, together for 8 1/2 and friends for 15yrs. I have a 10year old son who my H has brought up as his own. H has a very stressful job.

In Sept 01 (just before we got married) I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We fought it together. My H told me I had to be strong and fight, which I did. He was my rock. It took me a long, long time to recover and during that period I neglected my H. However in Dec 03 we agreed to try for a baby. In April 04 H said he didn't think I was capable of looking after a baby and to save our relationship we should stop trying. He stopped having sex with me. I turned the corner, health wise, in May 04 at the same time as my H dropped the bomb.

He told me he wasn't happy and didn't love me any more. We agreed to work at it as my health had improved I was like a new person. I thought everything was going really well, but a few weeks later he again said he thought we should split up. Again we agreed to work on it. The more I did the worse he felt.

At the beginning of July just before we went on holiday the same thing happen, but we went on holiday to see how we got on. We left for our holiday. I asked if he was seeing someone else - he said no. The next day I saw a text on his phone that he had sent starting ' hello gorgeous, sexy babe'. I confronted him and he said it was just to a work collegue and was a joke. I know the work collegue. I told him I thought that sort of friendship was inappropriate and he should back off. He agreed, but I became very paranoid.

A few days later I tried to break in to his phone because he was now keeping it off whenever he was with me. I broke the phone, he went mad, he went on about me not trusting him so there was no hope. I calmed him down and we got on with the rest of the holiday.

We arrived back on a Saturday and on the Sunday he was playing golf. I told him that if we had a hope he needed to be open like he had always been he said he would be but then we got into an arguement and he said he was leaving. In the end he agreed to come home after his golf, but was in a foul mood.

At the end of the week I took his golf clubs out of his car and found condoms in them. He denied all knowledge of them and promised he wasn't making a fool of me. We then had a fantastic weekend and even has sex.

A few days later I became suspicious again, his mobile phone bill wasn't going through the joint account and in his wallet was his work collegues address.

At the end of this week my son went away to stay with his dad for 2 weeks, I always find this upsetting. I spoke to my H and he said we would talk tonight, but he wouldn't be back until late as he was working in Dover. Later he texted to say he would be staying in Dover the night but back the next day.

I next morning I phoned him he eventually answered but was whispering, apparently because he was in a hotel lobby!!! I didn't believe him and drove to his work collegues house. His car was outside and he answered her door to me in his pants. I can't believe he has done this. He has been seeing her since April.

His collegue has just split from her husband so is on the rebound.

My H came home with me but packed a bag and left saying he needed time away to think. He would see me tomorrow (Sunday).

Unfortunately I saw him first with her. He told me he loved her and we were over. I wouldn't accept it. He came back to the house and eventually we agreed to get counselling to sort ourselves out and he would tell her to give us some space. He didn't move back home though.

We went to counselling and at the end of the week we went out together to buy my son's birthday presents and H told me the week after next he had to go to the South of France (where we had just come back from) on business. We saw my son briefly on his birthday and had a lovely family time. My H was said he was staying with his friend Andy. We had another counselling session and arranged more for when H got back from his business trip. At the weekend H spent time at the house with my son and told him he was going away on business but he would be back soon, after all he agreed we were trying to rebuild our relationship.

Whilst he was away I became suspicious again and it turns out he had actually gone on holiday with her. My son had a accident and ended up in hospital because of what H had done I wouldn't let him speak to my son and I changed the locks. Also he hadn't been staying at Andy's but with her so they had had no space from each other when he said they had.

Last weekend I went away and he turned up at the house without telling me and couldn't get in.

Now he says that there is no hope for us because of the hurt I have caused him by not letting him speak to Son when in hospital and changing the locks.

I haven't seen him for nearly 4 weeks now, he is living with her, he never calls me, I try not to call him but when I have he reluctantly says he hasn't given up all hope. He tells me I need to move on, but I can't. I want him back. What can I do?

Please help.

Holly

Concerned reader
22nd September 2004, 02:51 PM
Dear Holly

Is it possible for you to go back to the counsellor on your own account? You may have to focus on limiting the damage to yourself and to your son.

Try to dismiss the nonsense about him being hurt by not being allowed to speak to your son in hospital. Using a child's injury in an excuse for bad behavour is a breath-takingly shoddy piece of emotional manipulation. It is just an attempt to shift the responsibility for his actions on to you.

Hollygolightly
22nd September 2004, 03:22 PM
I am currently seeing a counsellor on my own. I also regularly see my doctor as I am now on anti-depressants. But they don't seem to be working.

I just don't feel like carring, on the future looks so bleak. Everyone says time heals but I have invested so much of myself in the relationship I just don't know how to move on. But if I'm honest I don't want to move on without my husband.

Concerned reader
22nd September 2004, 03:53 PM
Holly, you have been treated very badly and are only a few weeks from this terrible shock. You have also previously been ill and that must take it out of you.

At this stage I would think it is very difficult to feel anything properly, it is entirely to be expected that you feel drained. Try not to take too seriously trite phrases such as 'move along'. You are not a bus. A failure to comply will not result in parking tickets.

For now, it is best to look after yourself and try to get as much relaxation as you can.

Sandra
24th September 2004, 03:47 PM
Oh Holly,
I found it so hard to read what you wrote because my husband has treated me the same way. He too denied seeing someone, then she was just a "friend" then he promised they wouldn't sleep together until "we" both agreed our marriage was over. Then he said he was somewhere and when I was suspicious and drove there he was in fact somewhere else, with her. He too agreed to go to counseling after telling me on Christmas day he loved me but was no longer "in love" with me. The counseling didn't help because she didn't tell him what he hoped she would do...that we needed time apart, so he did it in a cowardly way and just disappeared for several days leaving me not knowing where or how he was. Me and my husband have been married for 14 years and I loved him so much, we met when we were 19, I'm 39 now and my life feels so empty without him still and it's been 3 years we've been separated now. We had to sell our home because he no longer would pay the Mortgage. As far as I know he lives with "her" he never calls me or makes any contact with me, as if me and him never existed which is so painful. I too am on anti-depressants and am at the moment going through a really low time. Like you I never imagined a future without my Husband and sometimes life seems pointless.
I am sending you hugs of support Holly, I'm thinking of you and hope you can find something good to grasp on to.
*hugs* Sandra.

smackie9
24th September 2004, 04:08 PM
I'm so sad for you:(. It must cut like a knife. When you got sick, it may have scared him. And him ending it with you was a way to avoid that experience again. Men can be weak. Turn to your friends and family. Prayer is healing too. Time to put this behind you and enjoy life again. :)

Hollygolightly
28th September 2004, 01:18 PM
Does anyone have any advice for me. I want my husband back.

Concerned reader
28th September 2004, 04:08 PM
Holly...I am thinking of you and I'm really sorry this terrible thing, which is none of your doing, has landed on you.

First I am worried about your physical health because you still have a son and he still needs his mummy and anyway, nobody deserves to be ill.

I know you probably see a doctor and you have mentioned a counsellor but is it possible to do some more 'physical' things, such as take a yoga class? The new term has begun and local schools and colleges often have classes which are run at very reasonable cost. Many people in such classes are struggling in difficult personal circumstances and, while they choose not to discuss them much, it is a source of comfort and strength to be standing quietly in a room with them. I don't know why this is, but it works.

If you are of a religious nature, you may find comfort in prayer groups. These people are incredibly generous and will even stand by you if you explain you don't necessarily believe as they do.

It may not be possible to directly address your husband's return at this stage, but whatever happens you need your life back.

You mentioned that you have invested so much of yourself in the relationship that I suppose it seems like there is none of 'you' left. Now it is time to invest a little in yourself. Just a little bit, that's all. Perhaps a regular swim in the pool, or maybe a creative class for few hours a week. Everything is such an effort but it is fairly well established by evidence that depression is fought off by physical and mental activity, and that will help you cope with the surrounding situation.

That's so easy for an outsider to say, isn't it? Like suggesting a sticking plaster for a major wound. I really am sorry that both you and Sandra are in this position.

For what it is worth, I do not think either of your partners will find they can satisfactorily edit out such huge chunks of their past without damaging their own reputations and integrity. They are just mistaken about being able to do it, and are frantically trying to impose their view on you.

Hollygolightly
6th October 2004, 02:29 PM
Does anyone have any ideas how I can try to piece my marriage back together?


Holly

Sandra
6th October 2004, 03:13 PM
Hi Holly,
I wish I knew the answer to that as I would piece my Marriage together too. Sadly I have tried various ways, backing off and giving him space didn't work andonly gave him more space to be with someone else. Talking and trying to rationalise our situation didn't help because he avoided talking to me. Crying and pleading with him only served to heighten his own feelings of guilt but did nothing to bring him back.
I have been wanting to contact him and ask that we, after so many years together, at least be "friends" but I'm reluctant to incase he refuses.
So, in the end I really have no idea how you go about it, I am just trying to exist and at least piece myself back together! :(