Can it work if ex-lovers remain friends?

[InDoubt]

My wife has had an affair at work. I'll spare you the all gory details, but it was pretty nasty, had been going on for several years and involved questions of paternity. I found out about it by chance three weeks ago.

She says she is so sorry, that it won't happen again etc. I believe her and have forgiven her (and him). No really - I have. But there is a problem: She still wants to remain close friends with this man and in fact would like me to become his friend too. Although I believe their desire not to repeat what happened before, the intensity of their relationship would still be such, that part of me will always be suspicious of them. What she wants will sorely test my fledgling trust in her.

I'm finding this very hard to deal with and I would dearly appreciate any thoughts on the matter. I just don't know what to do for the best.

[Kate]

Dear InDoubt,

I think your concerns are well founded. If something is a temptation, then it's stupid to be anywhere near it. Surely it would be better for all concerned if you had as little contact as possible at least until you two know your marriage is strong again. Perhaps it's a test of how repentant that your wife really is, if she is willing to avoid this man from now on and put you and your marriage first.

Kate