Very Tense
14th September 2004, 07:01 AM
I will put it vey breifly,I had a relationship with a girl(I am 35 year old male) it was platonic but with lot of emotional attachment. My wife discovered it infact somebody told her and she beleived it to be an affair coz after she discovered I confessed to having long talks ,meetings and sharing all sorts of thoughts with my freind etc infact I even admitted it was becoming more than freindship.Thereafter that relationship is over.
Now the problem is that my wife initially kept asking me why I did not tell her about thid freind I said coz I felt she would get angry.So she said it was not so and I should have told her.Anyway now she is trying very hard to pretend that coz I have told her everything she trusts me and my story.She is trying extra hard to prove that she is very understanding of it all but I know it is only a pretence. Actually she is convinced that it was an affair and holds it against me. Because of her insistence that she is not even thinking about it I am unable to talk about it at all with her.But in her actions it is apparent that she is thinking about it like when I call from work she says I am too busy,she keeps insisting that she has no time to sit with me, if she gets a call from a freind without any reference she goes on to explain that it has not affected her,her marriage is going great,she trusts me etc. At any social gathering she again and again emphasizes that her family life is very happy.
Please help me in dealing with it.Is it temporary phase for her?? At times I would prefer if she shouted on me etc but this thing of being too nice is killing me esp as I know her nature. She in our 9 years of marriage used to get suspicious even about wrong numbers on phone or a female voice on the line. I find it hard to beleive that a person can change entirely in a span of few months and her behaviour is of someone trying to prove that look I am so good and look what you did I feel helpless and guilty as hell. I try to take extra care of her ,try to spend more time but she brushes me aside saying she has too many things to do at home and with kids etc.
Now the problem is that my wife initially kept asking me why I did not tell her about thid freind I said coz I felt she would get angry.So she said it was not so and I should have told her.Anyway now she is trying very hard to pretend that coz I have told her everything she trusts me and my story.She is trying extra hard to prove that she is very understanding of it all but I know it is only a pretence. Actually she is convinced that it was an affair and holds it against me. Because of her insistence that she is not even thinking about it I am unable to talk about it at all with her.But in her actions it is apparent that she is thinking about it like when I call from work she says I am too busy,she keeps insisting that she has no time to sit with me, if she gets a call from a freind without any reference she goes on to explain that it has not affected her,her marriage is going great,she trusts me etc. At any social gathering she again and again emphasizes that her family life is very happy.
Please help me in dealing with it.Is it temporary phase for her?? At times I would prefer if she shouted on me etc but this thing of being too nice is killing me esp as I know her nature. She in our 9 years of marriage used to get suspicious even about wrong numbers on phone or a female voice on the line. I find it hard to beleive that a person can change entirely in a span of few months and her behaviour is of someone trying to prove that look I am so good and look what you did I feel helpless and guilty as hell. I try to take extra care of her ,try to spend more time but she brushes me aside saying she has too many things to do at home and with kids etc.