Newlywed Problems

[p1tst0p]

Hi Everyone,

I'm recently married and am having problems. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and have had problems like this before but they seemed to have gotten worse since we married.

Basically I feel that I am being taken for granted. He practically spends all of our spare cash on himself on silly fads and runs up debt which I constantly work at eradicating every month. He thinks its fine to live like this, whereas I would rather not chuck money at rubbish and use our money to enjoy ourselves more! He doesnt help at all around the house and on top of that I am decorating our new house at the moment, he also doesnt help at all with this either, he just goes and faffs about with his car all day or something similar....he thinks it is fine that I work all week and then decorate my house single handedly all weekend, as a result I am completely run down.

I just feel taken for granted and dont see the point in being married, I am like am the mother trying to tame a child! Whilst I'm on that point, I also would like to start a family but feel I cant because I need to feel financial secure first (I cant be secure with my Husbands constant spending and neither can I save a nest egg for being on maternity leave because like I said before all our spare cash goes on him).

On a positive note, I do believe that my husband does love me very much we are generally happy on the surface, but I have so much resentment and I cant help feeling that I do all the giving and he does all the taking...

Can anyone suggest what I can do to sort this out?

[Kate]

Dear Pitstop,

It sounds to me as though you are having trouble communicating and sharing your expectations about life and roles in your marriage. I would suggest that you consider doing some marriage enrichment. You can find information here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/). Even when a couple have lived together things change when they marry and like any relationship, it needs nurturing.

Kate

[Not Very Newlywed]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have been married for only two years. My husband and I were BEST friends for 10 years prior with no romantic feelings (on my part). He too spends money on things we don't need (just bought an ipod). Meanwhile we have loads of debt from his education. We are working so hard every month just to pay our debts and our rent (becuase he had to live in something nicer than we needed). It just all seems so pointless. Especially since marrying him meant that I had to move away from my family and friends. He also does no housework. I can't blame him for not wanting to do things with me. All I do is nag him. I am planning to fix our guest room up as my room and stay there for a while until we have the nerve to commit to this relationship or end it.