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Tinora
29th August 2004, 08:32 PM
Please understand that to save myself the pain of retyping, I have copied and pasted an email I sent a friend.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years, all though together for 14. We have a daughter who is 6. A year and a half ago, my husband made a huge mistake, that forced us to relocate to my parents home. Then, he made another huge mistake that cost him his job. He is currently back to school.

Gord and I have temporarily. It started out to be temporary, but it appears that he sees this as being over....for us. He has not given up on himself (he needs to find himself....GEESH!) but given up on us.

When things are hard, he stops communicating with me, and finds a friend for emotional support. He has found a girl at school that he has started to have feelings for, and so has she.

This isn't the first time it has happened,but it is the first time the other girl was single and won't back off.

Gord has many other issues, that he has opened up to her to. Things that only we had shared.

So far, they both say it hasn't been physical,but who the **** knows.

Gord has seen a counsellor, and we have an apt together on Tues. When he went alone, it was suggested that he stay away from the other girl, as she complicates things. I don't know if he will, although he says he will, I know that he has very strong feelings for her.

He has been staying with his mom the past few days, although he had been here for most of this. We have made love and been man and wife even still. But, we'd work things out, he'd go to school and come back, only to have to start all over again.

He said that he won't be coming back here. I work part time, and with him in school, he will be with our daughter when I'm at work. I don't know if they would be here, or elsewhere.

And it isn't like he can stop seeing her all together, they are in the same class.

He always finds someone that needs help in someway, and this girl is as messed up as he is.

I have asked my husband not to take our daughter around the other girl, nor around her daughter. He respects this. It is causing our daughter to be confused and ask questions I just can't answer, nor feel she needs to know more at the age she is.

Anyway, after reading the posts here that I have, I'm just looking for some support. My parents have been somewhat supportive, but they do have ill feelings about my husband.

I hope to get encouragement...either about how to deal with things until he returns, (if he does), how to deal with things if he doesn't.

He gets to start a new life, while I sit with the shattered pieces of a wonder life I THOUGHT I had....

~~~~~~~~~Tinora

smackie9
31st August 2004, 05:05 AM
I think your husband is kind of blaming you for his problems. So Seeking the company of another woman makes them go away? Well he's wrong. Walking away for you and your daughter won't cure his problems. Be strong and try with all your might to work this out with him. Couselling sounds like a good idea for both of you. Isn't it worth fight for?

Kate
2nd September 2004, 06:50 PM
Dear Tinora,

Separation maybe help, but it is often important to "manage" it. There is an article on this here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/whenover/managedsepn/). You may also find Divorce Remedy (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/whenover/divorceremedy/) helpful.

Kate

Tinora
2nd September 2004, 09:14 PM
Thank you both for your replies. At this point in time, we are still not living together, although he hasn't completely moved out either.

I took a step back, and as hard as it was, I stopped initiating communication. I followed his lead. I found that if I initiated anything, it pushed him further away from me. We are talking better, and he is opening up more. The other girl is out of the picture now. He realized it wasn't healthy for him, and that he turned to her because he turned me away.

There are many issues within himself, that I have come to realize he does need to deal with, that do not include me. Things we have tried working on for years.

I have since found out that he has realized he hasn't given up on us, it was his thoughts at the moment, when he was feeling "down and out". He also realized that we are strong enough to get through this.

We are in no way ready to be "completely" back together, but we are working our way there. There are many unanswered questions, for me, but they will have to remain that way for the time being. I will slowly learn things as time allows it. That was the trouble at the start...all my questions that he either didn't know how to answer, was afraid to answer, or didn't have an answer. But, in due time.

Again, I thank you both for your replies!

~~~~~~~~~Tinora