twich
24th August 2004, 10:08 AM
im only 16 i met a girl in the 8th grade and dated for a cuple months but we broke up and i took it real hard she wrote me a note(the usual thing to do in middle school) and i was crushed the furthest i got was the first line and i was crying so hard i couldnt read any further. it took me a month to finaly get to the bottom. she wanted to be friends i reallized how much i really liked her. but i didnt want to lose her. so i stayed in touch the next school year but the whole time i couldnt get close because i felt so rejected. i was in marching band and she happened to join color gaurd. during band camp the band goes into the mountains to a christian camp where there is a big field to practice in. she tried to get close but i was afraid of being dumped again. so we had our distance my freshman year. i craved for another chance with her so much. the next year at band camp i was a little more open and we got close i asked her out and had my first kiss under the moon light which was amazing. she was already used to kissing people so it was just normal for her. but we really got close we dated for a cuple months. i took her to the fair and for walks in the park, i had the best time i have ever had in two years. i was acctually happy again. but after two months i started to back away again. we broke up again and it crushed me. its been a year and i still get misty talking about it. whats worse she got together with another guy two days after the breakup. it crushed me again. she said she loved me i felt i love her after geting to know her better, and yet how quickly she bounced back. its been a year since we broke up and she is still with that guy. hes great he protects her loves her and cares for her. but up until two months ago i avoided them when they were together only talking to her when she was alone even online when he wasnt. just because i was uncomfortable around him. i was at her 16th birthday party, we were hangin out in the back yard, i look over at the wrong time to se them kiss and my hart sank again. i wasnt ready for that. i cant look at her the same way. she wants to become good friends so we dont just graduate and never see eachother again, i dont know if she still has feelings for me or if shes just trying to cheer me up on the occations i am down but im so afraid of never seeing her again. i think i fell in love but its so hard to tell at times i just want to be able to hold her again and tell how much i care about her. all my friends have been trying to get me with someone elts but all i can think about is her. say girlfriend and her face appears in my head. say love and i think about all the things we used to do. i recently had my wisdom teeth out. and they had to put me to sleep. all i remember about that day was reliving EVERYTHING again from when i met her to the last conversation i had with her. nothing elts not even cars. and if you ask my friends what im doing at any time i guarantee you it will be something related to cars. the only other passion i have. i fall asleep thinking about her i wake up thinking about her i daydream about her in school. its like half my brain i devoted to her and i cant do anything about it. ive tried getting over her but im going on the third year. will it ever end. isnt there anything i can do, obviously time isnt doing its thing so i guess im an acception to that. a small part of me wants to move on but the rest of me is sayin dont ever let go, ever. please help me.
alex
alex