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Anomm
9th August 2004, 09:06 PM
A year ago, my wife of 5 years told me she wanted to leave me and our 2 children. (2 and 1 year old) On a daily basis she would tell me she wanted to leave but when it came to it she would break down in tears and tell me she loved us too much to leave. This daily heart-break went on for 4 WEEKS until I ended up in hospital due to stress/depression. I tried to find what the problem was, wether it was me, the kids or anything else. After a LOT of question asking, she finally told me of a 1 night stand with a man that came into her work.

It was like being hit by a car. We decided to stay together, not just because of the kids, but because we love each other and more imoprtantly (to me) she told me she no feelings for this other man.

The problem I have, is that this isnt the first time I have had this done to me (previous relationships) and a bigger problem for me is what she told me - how it happened and what happened - doesnt add up. I am feeling more betrayed over this feeling of being lied too. I find it impossible to trust her anymore but our marriage is happy, the kids are happy and she says she is happy but I cant get over this because I still, after all this time, feel as if I am being lied too.

I cant carry on feeling like this, i tryed sitting down and talking to her but to no avail. Is this "normal" and if so how long does it take to stop feeling so hurt?

Plz help

Babes
9th August 2004, 09:57 PM
Hi
It is very normal to feel hurt for a very long time to come ( sorry) I know this might not sound nice but you have to try to put your past relationships aside and concentrate on the one you have now. Obviously what has happened will stir up feelings from your past but they will just get in the way and stop you from progressing with your problems with your Wife. Not sticking up for your Wife but she at the moment is suffering what I would call a sense of guilty panic ( hence the I'm leaving, no I'm not sort of thing) I would say the best thing to do would be to make an appointment with a Counsellor for either yourself or preferably both of you, this way you can talk to each other on neutral ground and if needed the Counsellor will act as go between ( my Counsellor did this) Your Wife may have been spur of the moment tempted or maybe she feels something is missing in her life at the moment . Whatever it was she must love you as she was obviously feeling guilty as hell and that is why she was acting the way she was. It means there is hope if the love is still there ( which thankfully it is) You said talking to her didn't help and you still feel lied to? Why don't you write her a letter from the heart? Start by telling her how much you love and cherish her, tell her everything you love about her and the reasons why you married her, and tell her how you feel about what has happened. Don't verbally attack her, explain your hurt in a loving way and tell her that you will always be there for her to talk to and no matter what she says you will always love her and stand by her. Maybe this will allow her to open up a bit more to you and explain exactly what happened.
The best advice I can give you is to try to be understanding I know it's hard.
Have you spoken to your Wife also about her change in statis? I know this may sound silly to you, but you have 2 lovely little Kids, maybe your Wife was feeling a bit down ( PND)? Maybe now she's a Mother do you think she maybe feels she has lost her identity as a person? maybe feels she has lost the sexy woman she used to be? I know this maybe a long shot but a lot of women go through that so it's worth possibly talking about.........
Anyway hope some of this helped
Good luck and God Bless.

Babes x