Completely Confused and Hurting
27th July 2004, 10:52 PM
Hello. I am experiencing the most traumatic time of my life! My husband of 10years (13 being together) and two children later, has decided that he needs time to think. I just found out that for the past 2-3 years he has not been happy. Mind you--He and I had an open communication line (or so I thought). I swear, he never led me to believe something was wrong. The issue arose after wondering why he was so snippy at me when he came home from work. I went ahead to tell him that this was not like him and obviously something was wrong. He then said, in not too many words, that he was not "in love" with me and that he wasn't happy.
The kicker is that we never really had huge fights--slight disagreements--yes, but no huge drama! Our children of 8 (girl) and 6(boy) have been devestated, as well as his family and mine.
I've agreed to let him have his space. He left last night (much to my heartache and devestation from the children). Can't say it was easy for him to leave. He feels trapped between a rock and a hard place due to our children.
I've basically let him go for now and explained that I don't hate him. I love him too much. I am even willing to make it work, in the event he returns. I don't want him to think I will be different with him if he does come back.
Bottom line, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to have him back--have my family back. I feel 10 years is a huge investment--especially with children. It is difficult to have my kids always asking "when is Daddy coming back?". You see, we, both, have been extremely close to our kids. So it makes it all the more difficult. The couple of people who know about our situation have been taken completely aback with his behavior. He assures me he isn't or has not met anyone. He simply doesn't want to be unhappy and angry at himself for not being sincere with me.
The things he said that have stuck in my heart and mind is: 1. I love you; but I'm not in love with you. 2. I don't feel physically attracted to you. (Now let me say that I look the same in weight and body as the day he married me except for maybe 5 extra pounds!)
My only thought about what he's going through is that maybe he married me too young (age 23). Maybe he didn't get to venture out before falling into a commitment of marriage and family...and now he feels cheated out (hence the unhappiness). The love-making and attentiveness has always been there from my part. I just don't know what else to make of this.
He's left to stay at a relative's house to think. How do I handle this? My kids want to constantly call him (which is OK with him); but I feel I shouldn't make it this easy for him either! I feel that "if he has asked for time alone, he should take the time alone and use it wisely. I don't think he should speak to his kids everyday. Even if it means they hurt more.
I believe in "If you love something let it go; and if it's meant for you it will come back"; but when children are involved, I believe a couple should work had at staying together for the sake of kids and marriage. I say this b/c our home/family life has never, never been violent, aggressive or negative. I guess this is why everyone (except him) is in a state of disbelieve. I miss him so much!!!My kids and I want him back. Can anyone enlighten me on this issue? I really don't know what I'm even asking for on this forum...I just need to talk to vent...(since no one of my friends know what I'm going through)...
The kicker is that we never really had huge fights--slight disagreements--yes, but no huge drama! Our children of 8 (girl) and 6(boy) have been devestated, as well as his family and mine.
I've agreed to let him have his space. He left last night (much to my heartache and devestation from the children). Can't say it was easy for him to leave. He feels trapped between a rock and a hard place due to our children.
I've basically let him go for now and explained that I don't hate him. I love him too much. I am even willing to make it work, in the event he returns. I don't want him to think I will be different with him if he does come back.
Bottom line, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to have him back--have my family back. I feel 10 years is a huge investment--especially with children. It is difficult to have my kids always asking "when is Daddy coming back?". You see, we, both, have been extremely close to our kids. So it makes it all the more difficult. The couple of people who know about our situation have been taken completely aback with his behavior. He assures me he isn't or has not met anyone. He simply doesn't want to be unhappy and angry at himself for not being sincere with me.
The things he said that have stuck in my heart and mind is: 1. I love you; but I'm not in love with you. 2. I don't feel physically attracted to you. (Now let me say that I look the same in weight and body as the day he married me except for maybe 5 extra pounds!)
My only thought about what he's going through is that maybe he married me too young (age 23). Maybe he didn't get to venture out before falling into a commitment of marriage and family...and now he feels cheated out (hence the unhappiness). The love-making and attentiveness has always been there from my part. I just don't know what else to make of this.
He's left to stay at a relative's house to think. How do I handle this? My kids want to constantly call him (which is OK with him); but I feel I shouldn't make it this easy for him either! I feel that "if he has asked for time alone, he should take the time alone and use it wisely. I don't think he should speak to his kids everyday. Even if it means they hurt more.
I believe in "If you love something let it go; and if it's meant for you it will come back"; but when children are involved, I believe a couple should work had at staying together for the sake of kids and marriage. I say this b/c our home/family life has never, never been violent, aggressive or negative. I guess this is why everyone (except him) is in a state of disbelieve. I miss him so much!!!My kids and I want him back. Can anyone enlighten me on this issue? I really don't know what I'm even asking for on this forum...I just need to talk to vent...(since no one of my friends know what I'm going through)...