married young need advice

[youngcouple]

i married at 20 yo. i am not 21 we've just had our one year anniversary. i care about my husband but i do not love him. i feel like he is a really good friend that i live with. we live 2hrs away from all of our family and we are both in college. i think these two factors may have alot to do with the way i feel. i am so unhappy!! i really wish i had not married this young. i really want out of the marriage but divorce in my family is frowned upon and i don't want to hurt him. i do care about him but i am just not happy. i don't know whether to just stick it out and hope that in a few years when we're both out of school and hopefully closer to our family that i will feel different or to call it quits and admit that i made the wrong decision.

[jasminebose]

Ok. A couple of questions- how long did you know each other/date before you got married? Did you feel 'in love' with him before you married?

I felt/feel a bit like you. I married when I was just 22 (been married nearly 2 years now) and I felt for the first year that I'd made a big mistake as I adjusted to being together. I felt trapped and wanted more space. Does any of this sound familiar? I wondered what I was missing out on and began to be a pain to live with- alternating between nagging and feeling depressed. My advice? Stick it out..your feelings will be likely to change with time. Work on what you can do to make yourself happy (friends/hobbies/etc) and also think about what made you feel loved/loving when you were dating. Work to recreate those times, i.e. try having a 'date night' it really works!!
Remember that you have to make yourself happy, don't rely on him to do it for you. Do what you can to make the relationship happier- I am currently reading several relationship books in an attempt to realign my perceptions, ie. 'the surrendered wife' and 'don't sweart the small stuff in love' oh and 'the rules for marriage'.
They really shouldn't call it the honeymoon year- I found it a nightmare!! Its hard work compromising and getting along. Don't worry too much, these books helped me to see that love is about doing not feeling and also that we are not alone.

Hope that helped a bit,
JZ:)

[Liz]

Why not have a look at the Early years area (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthearly/) of the site.