How do i move on

[broken]

Hi,
I have just been (and am still going through) a hell of a time, basically I caught my wife in Bed with my friend about 3 months ago, when I caught them he asked me what i wanted, I said I had come to take my wife home. She looked at me and said she wanted to saty with him, so i left, no fuss and no fighting i just walked out of there. I went home and just broke down.
The next day she said that it had been going on for a couple of weeks, and that she had thought long and hard about it, and that is what she wanted. so I left.
After the initial shock, and hurt I have now settled into a place on my own. I am not interested in another realtionship and to be honest I cant see me ever wanting to. Me and my wife were together for 8 years, and this has hit me really hard.
All the feelings of hurt and betrayal have suddenly come back to me with a vengance, i cant stop thinking about the whole situation and what i did wrong.
I keep thinking that maybe i should meet up with her, but i am worried that it will make it worse.
I have given up my whole lifestyle because of this, I wish it had never happened.
How long will i feel like this, when does the hurt and anger go away, when will i learn to trust again?
thanks

[Noddy]

How awful for you, you must feel absolutely hideous inside. I'm afraid there is no easy way to deal with all of this, other than 'TIME' is a big healer. Perhaps to help you through it speak to a counsellor to get your thoughts back on track and manage your emotions. IF your wife wants you back after some time, then that is clearly a huge decision for you as trust takes some time healing...but it can be done. Hang in there and take care of YOURSELF right now.

[jasminebose]

Hi,
Am so sorry you are going through that. 2 betrayals must be awful to deal with. I agree with what Noddy said. I think you should concentrate on you right now. Its probably too soon and emotions are too raw for you to consider meeting up with your wife. If I were you, I would try and focus on work/family/friends and not even think about relationships right now.
good luck
JZ

[Mama]

You take it one day at a time. There is no other way. You have no choice, what's done is done. It might be a help to read some books on greiving. You will definately go through all the steps. A horrible betrayal such as this is the same as a death in your life.

Please realize you will start to hear the birds sing and notice the sun rise once again, it's going to take time but you will heal. You have endured a huge wound, take care of yourself, don't let yourself go, you need time to heal. Just make it through this day, and the next, and the next, pretty soon you will start to enjoy your days again.

I'm sorry for you, be good to yourself.

[**tameka**]

I'm not going to say sorry because obviously she is not the woman you thought you married! It is not you so don't think that. I know it wiLL be hard to get over her but you must!!! You can admit to yourself that you still LOVE her and **ALWAYS** wiLL LOVE her but NO ONE should have to go through that . . . in time you wiLL feeL better just try to keep yourself occupied. If a friend asks you to go out and you really dont feel like it . . . GO ANYWAY . . . try not to keep yourself in a routine and try not to be alone and locked up in the house. that wiLL only depress you! TeLL yourself " I love her but she did me wrong so i need to move on" hope this helps even if only a little . . . take care


getemtameka@yahoo.com

[forbid apples]

I am in a worser situation than you. I married to the same guy for over 18 years having two children, one girl 16 and one boy 13. We came here 9 years ago, I supported hime all the way through college. He graduated Oregon state University in 2002. Then just stayed home never apply for a job. Finally last year, I found a temp job for him. He worked for a couple months saving money, did not give me a dime. He came back to my home country, Vietnam, last April, 26th, 2004. I found down accidently he involved in adultery there with a hooker, as my family in law opnion. He was back home on July 21th. I was trying to forgive him and rebuilding our relationship again. However, he refused to kiss me, neither made love with me. He told me that our relationship without love. He has no emotional feeling with me. He really love the girl both inside and out.,and they going to have a baby. He wanted to divorce me to bring the girl here. He said the girl is very good in doing bussiness so he will open a company or s shop here so she can make him rich. On the other side, he said I am incapable in making money. In facts, I am the only one make bread for the whole family, and own my own house. He said after divorce he still live with us in two more year. I can not think what is in his mind. After two days trying, I quit and start divorce process.

[Springheeled Jack]

Listen pal, I went throught the same as you. However my wife had an affair with a woman,it happens.

The pain I felt was indescribable. tried not to beat yourself up over it. It wasnt your fault. The pain will subside, you may not think that it will, but it does. It must have been one hell of a shock to you.
Also try not to paint every woman with the same brush. It is an easy thing to do, but dont.
the next woman you meet with be totally different to your wife.
I met a lovely woman some years later, we met on the internet and married a couple of years later. I did have memory flashbacks, and in the back of my mind I thought that it would happen to me again, but it didnt.

Take each day as it comes, friend.

Best of luck

Springheeled Jack