nayana
12th June 2004, 01:29 PM
hi I need some help. i am 37 and my partner 31.We ahve been together for two years. We seem to have the same issues coming up over and over adn i feel exhausted from tring to express my feeligns about it.He feels the same way, feels that we are always gettign to the same story adn cant seem to find a way to move beyond it ..it always ends up in conflict and i cant do it anymore.
I am trying to live my life with a sense of growign and learnign and developing but i cant seem to find ym way in this to express my feeligns adn needs in a way that he can understand.. it alwys ends up in a battle adn i am so tired from it.. i am very sad also as i have very sincere and deep feelign s for him and love him but coming to the conclusion that some loves are not meant to be.
The biggst issue i see is my need for non-sexual intimacy adn love and freidnship as well as a healthy sex life. And i see them as different parts of a relationship adn i need a balance of them all. love and care and affection that is not attached to sex..
He is a very affectionate man adn a lovng man i know it, but to me it feels like that all of this expression always with him lead to a sexual encounter..
I am also a very lovign person, i love showing love adn touching and being in a loving space, but i dont always feel sexual with this.. i just feel loving adn want to express it ..
becasue of the difference i have become to feel that if i express my love or offer affection then he see this as a sexual come on and then tries to take it to a level i wasnt wanting. and the opposite applies..he offers me love and affection adn if i open to it ..it always goes to the sexual level...
what i have noticed is happening is that i am closing away and not being open to his love and in turn i dont feel comfortable to express my own.. I feel i am shrivelling up..
when i try to explain that i have boundaries adn barriers that are naturally up and to brign these down i need and to feel safe adn comforatble i need non - sexual love adn affection.. he cannot understand why they are there in the first place.. he feels that it should be really ok fro him to play with my breasts and put his hand in my pants at any time he feels and i should feel ok and good and comfortable with this..
But i am not..it feels like an invasion in a way sometimes.. i can be in another mind space completely and then bang i have soemone coming up and playing with me sexually..
and this is my confusion... should I be ok with this? is it me that has the problem? is he right should be fine with this?
I have tried so often to express that i dont feel comfortable with this and express what he needs to do if he wants me to feel more open adn comfortable but he said he had no problems with this before with other lovers
He feels this is my issue and if he changes his approach then he is not able to be natural..
if he is right and it is my issue , that my reaction is really abnormal then i will get help but i need some advice whether it is really just me. please help me
I am trying to live my life with a sense of growign and learnign and developing but i cant seem to find ym way in this to express my feeligns adn needs in a way that he can understand.. it alwys ends up in a battle adn i am so tired from it.. i am very sad also as i have very sincere and deep feelign s for him and love him but coming to the conclusion that some loves are not meant to be.
The biggst issue i see is my need for non-sexual intimacy adn love and freidnship as well as a healthy sex life. And i see them as different parts of a relationship adn i need a balance of them all. love and care and affection that is not attached to sex..
He is a very affectionate man adn a lovng man i know it, but to me it feels like that all of this expression always with him lead to a sexual encounter..
I am also a very lovign person, i love showing love adn touching and being in a loving space, but i dont always feel sexual with this.. i just feel loving adn want to express it ..
becasue of the difference i have become to feel that if i express my love or offer affection then he see this as a sexual come on and then tries to take it to a level i wasnt wanting. and the opposite applies..he offers me love and affection adn if i open to it ..it always goes to the sexual level...
what i have noticed is happening is that i am closing away and not being open to his love and in turn i dont feel comfortable to express my own.. I feel i am shrivelling up..
when i try to explain that i have boundaries adn barriers that are naturally up and to brign these down i need and to feel safe adn comforatble i need non - sexual love adn affection.. he cannot understand why they are there in the first place.. he feels that it should be really ok fro him to play with my breasts and put his hand in my pants at any time he feels and i should feel ok and good and comfortable with this..
But i am not..it feels like an invasion in a way sometimes.. i can be in another mind space completely and then bang i have soemone coming up and playing with me sexually..
and this is my confusion... should I be ok with this? is it me that has the problem? is he right should be fine with this?
I have tried so often to express that i dont feel comfortable with this and express what he needs to do if he wants me to feel more open adn comfortable but he said he had no problems with this before with other lovers
He feels this is my issue and if he changes his approach then he is not able to be natural..
if he is right and it is my issue , that my reaction is really abnormal then i will get help but i need some advice whether it is really just me. please help me