please help today

[feelinlow]

I found out yesterday that my husband has had a one night stand with a woman he met in a club on friday.
I am crushed. we have been together 7 years and married a year.
We have no kids and I don't want to tell any family or friends about it, as I don't want them to judge him unfairly.

We have been having a few problems recently, but I had no idea it was this bad.
I have booked an appointment with a councilor for this week, but in the meantime I don't know how to cope. Sometimes I feel ok and then others,I sit and cry, I feel sick and so depressed.
I want us to work on our marriage and feel that in someways this is better then him having a full blown affair, but it's still hard.

How do I stop imagening them together, how can I kiss him again? how can I get through a day with out floods of tears and what do I tell people, I feel like I'm falling appart and I don't want to tell people.
So far I have told people I am feeling unwell, but I now feel bad for lying to them..
please help.

[Cruising]

This happened to me. It was such a shock! I walked round in a daze when I found out and the tears kept welling up inside. I didn't want to tell anyone and I didn't in the end - only one friend I could trust. It was sort of like the whole world had changed in a just a moment. I couldn't see how it could ever be the same again. It was like being in a nightmare and hoping I'd wake up.

My husband was really upset and regretted it a lot. That helped a bit. Does yours know you know? Have you talked to him or not? He wont want to, but you will.

Thinking about them together is a killer. You just have to fight it all the time. I used to try and blot it out and bury it - don't know if that's helpful - your counsellor wil be able to help with that wont she?

What helped was actually allowing myself to feel hurt, just going through the middle of it. I'm quite strong inside so I managed. Hope you can do that too.

[feelinlow]

Hi There.
Thanks so much for your post, I was begining to feel there was no future for us!
He does know that I know, I found a text on his phone and confronted him.
We have agreed to work through it and I have spent a nice day with my good friend talking a lot and am now in a much more positive frame of mind.
I told my mum that we are having problems, and she is very good about it, but I wont be telling anyone else.

I hope we will work this out and I hope you do too.

Thanks again for your words :) x

[packerman]

just remember that males are into sex for the sake of sex. it is a very short lived thing compared to love. it does not stand up to love in any way. if your husband loves you realize that sex is a grain of sand and love is an ocean...... if your husband loves you this will be a small step in your relationship... I know how hard it is to get over. I married a woman that lived with a guy and was engaged before she met me. they had sex two times per day when she was right out of college. he was much older and a very good lover... she has told me this... i had a hard time getting over this even though she did not know me at the time...... but i realize that i love her and that love is much more important than sex.... i know it is hard now but if you are in love you will make it thru....

[feelinlow]

Packerman

Thank you so much for your words, they are so kind and mean a lot to me.
We are working through things and I am feeling a lot more positive, so thank you.

[Stephen B]

Here's a quote from Germaine greer: "There are plenty of good women in this world who are simply good. A good man however is simply one who's trying not to be bad." Does that make sense? I hope so. 99% of us men are, frankly, sods. Why go to councelling? YOU haven't done anything wrong. Your husband has been a bad lad; simple as that. I think (and sincerely hope) he'll never betray you again. If I may offer advice, you ought to make him feel as guilty as hell, temporarily.