Deborah
29th April 2004, 05:22 PM
At 41, thinking I'd never meet anyone and be married, I met an old flame who I've now been seeing for 2 mths. We both feel and yearn for similar futures ie a long term committment/marriage. Everyday he says he loves me, sends text, and recently sent flowers / presents etc. He's career-minded, focussed, talented and a wonderful father to his children. Relationshipwise, he has deep regrets about his past attitudes and behaviour in previous relationships. As a single parent and domestic abuse survivor, I've managed to achieve a degree, financial security, and career, my children sometimes seem more balanced than me! On the minus. His past is dogged with infidelity, womanising and deceit. I don't trust him and feel uncomfortable with his flirtatious behaviour, demeaning mannerisms to me as awoman when hes around male company. My current panic is that although he says the right things his actions speak louder than his words. And I feel that we go one step fwd and 2 steps back in our relationship. I'm not one to make a scene in public and but will challenge his sterotypical behaviour - both these responses i feel he's not been used to. His so eagerness to marry me and 'change' I find flattering but a bit scary. I wonder if his need to be married to me allows him to shed his bad past reputation. this makes me feel like a pawn in a bigger game/ hidden agenda. Yesterday he sent a bouquet of red roses to my work place. I was speechless and loved his token of love. Later that evening, I went 2 his house. He says he was in the bath getting ready for bed, and whilst explaining to me he thought I was only at his house becuase I didn't trust him, casually pampered up with clean cotton socks, and aftershave and insisted we could spend the night together. Hes texted me 3 times today to tell me I making him feel uncomfortable with my suspicions and that I looking for excuses to wreck what we've got. I feel emotionally, and psychologically toyed with by him guilt-tripping me, yet I know he is trying . I'm so confused in the meanwhile . Please advise whether I should have a confrontation with him about wehre he went last night or whether or not on the one night he wasn't with me he decided he needs aftershave to go to bed.