pls. help me, iam confused and sad

[sconfused04]

:confused: delete delete

[David Harris]

R is taking advantage of you. Difficult as it might seem, you will be well advised to leave him now and never see him again. Forget that you ever met R and now try to be more open about your marriage problems with your husband. Could be that you need to get him to be more adventurous sexually, or maybe you just need to go on a short holiday together.

R is bad news - forget about him

[Brian Coleman]

I suppose two replies from guys who see a different angle to your schoolgirl dream as you call it, and a problem marriage of yours cannot be rectified by your new love who is also in a pipedream and his interest are only partly with you and sex.Be true to yourself and husband and get councilling to explore your marriage more, its probably more bordem than anything else so carry on with the break from the so called rich respected lover and you will also gain back your own respect.Talk more to your partner and forget the past,and rember you both loved each other at one time in your years together regards.BC.

[Liz]

Hi there,

Perhaps you have just lost the sparkle in your marriage. It often happens that disillusionment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffdisill/) sets in. It isn't the end of a marriage, but a time of challenge to press on through to something better.

Counselling may help or you could look at some marriage enrichment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/) to refresh your marriage. There are lots of courses listed on the site. Some of them are based in the UK and some are also available in USA if you are there.

Liz

[wrestlersdad]

no you are not the victim, youre poor husband is. Do yourself a favor and dump this new guy. if his wife was so bad he would leave her. youre husband deserves someone devoted to only him. so grow up and do the right thing....good luck

[Noddy]

Bottom line - dump your affair...if there is something missing in your relationship with your husband, make an effort and put it there...you're looking for some validation from your affair...don't be so self centered, you've got a husband...show him what you want and build a life together....consider why you married your husband first and foremost...if things have gone sour or something is missing, you have a responsibility to tell your husband and give him and you both a chance to build your marriage. ..you don't go around other people's husbands to put in your life what you think is missing in your own life when you've got a husband at home. Sorry for the harsh tone, but that's the reality.

[brwneydgirl]

Until you give up all contact with "R" you will not be able to repair your marriage, that is just a fact. You have to decide what is more important to you. Your marriage and your husband or this user.

[Rochedale]

part of me thinks you hit the anil on the head

re " i feel like he doesn't need any friendship or relationship but only sex. "

but thats a side issue
real issue you did hit on the head is "I LOST ME"
spot on
many many many people have been there and many many people never left!
now you know the problem do something about it .
WHo are you who do you wan t to be and how can you get there
your hubby has been with you for 16 years try asking him for advice . be prepared for a couple of non starters on that front though he has undoubtedly got his own issues to deal with as well.

re affair they are exciting and they are a seemingly great quick fix. but they are ususally just a form of escapeisim. its relationship lite
"luv" with out the reality.

Im not one to judge - but affairs have lots in common with masturbation - and far greater risk attached.

If R wants to be friends then ok be friends but kill the sexual relationship till you have got the rest of your life where you want it. After that if you want an open relationship - deal with those issues then.

good luck!
prayers for you ( and for me to perhaps take some of my own advice!)

[Kate]

Thank you for your courage in expressing something so personal

A lack of interest in sex in men can be hard for them to cope with as well. They may feel that they are perhaps less manly because they can't fulfil their wife's needs. This may be why your husbadn doesn't wnat to seek help.

Things aren't going to improve if you aren't even sleeping in the same bed. Have you thought of just spending time physically close with out any expectation of fully making love and just gradually relaxing with each other and enjoying being close? There are resources on the site to think this issue through here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffsex/).

Also Liz mentioned Marriage Enrichment in an earlier posting on this thread. Sometimes focussing on the whole of your relationship and communiaction can help to improve the physical side of things.

If you don't want to be with R, then avoid him. You can rebuild your marriage.

kate
:)