Should I let the affair contine

[Unregistered]

My wife has been having and continues to have an affair with an old lover. He is married as well. This is his fourth marriage. It both our first marriage. He is 15 years older than her.
I discovered this affair by finding her emails. This affair has been going on for at least 2 1/2 years. When I confronted her she denied it at first until I showed her the evidence. She now admits the affair.

We both still love each other and have stated that we want to stay together. However, she does not want to stop seeing this man & has asked if I would allow them to continue their relationship. I don't want her to continue but I told her I would keep an open mind.

I am very torn by this question and am looking for some guidence as to whether or not I should agree to allowing her to continue.

[Unregistered]

uuuummm, do you see what you are saying? Marriage is about TWO people living together. Read over the vows that you said the day you married, then I'm sure your choice will be clear. As for your wife I say she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She needs to make a decision NOW and she doesn't want to because its easier for her this way. I know you love her and want it to work, but you need to love yourself enough to open your eyes and see things without rose colored glasses.

"Dr. Lil"

[Unregistered]

I am for now putting off the negatives of getting divoraced or agreeing to an open marriage. I know that soon I must face one of these choices, neither of which I am looking forward to. What I really want is her to stop the affair and let us heal. I've read some of the other posts about NC (no contact) and I know that she must go the NC route, otherwise my marriage is doomed.

[Unregistered]

You said yourself, What you REALLY want is for her to stop the affair. Do not compromise what you want and know is right. You cannot change her or force her to do something she doesn't really want to do. All you can do is take action yourself to keep some of your sanity and take control over the situation. When you take control she will be the one with the choice to make and you can go on with your life. The only one suffering while you put this off is you, for now she has both men where she wants them. The sooner you take control, the sooner you can move on and start to heal.

"Dr. Lil"

[hold_your_ground]

Life is strange like that, you love this person who loves you and someone else, so now it's three people. Bottom line is you can't have it all, open marriages don't work, sorry. Someone has to make a move and I think if you leave your wife she'l seriously regret letting you go after her balance changes and what is an affair now will no longer be. She needs to get her head examined.