Discouraged

[stressedout]

My husband and I have been married for three years and together for six. We have two small children. In the last month or so I have been upset because I believe that our neighbor is going out of her way to flirt with my husband and he swears there is nothing going on. It has led us to several outbursts by me and my self esteem has plummeted. I am so in need of together time to reconnect but we can not seem to find the time. He just doesn't seem that interested in me. He says that everything is fine and I am overreacting. How do I get the spark back? He has been attentive when I express my concerns, but it hasn't helped.

[Liz]

Dear Stressedout

It sounds as if you have a very strong need for reassurance at the moment. It is your needs that are driving the situation at present. If your husband has said there is nothing in it, do you have any reason not to believe him?

Many marriages go through a stage of disappointment, disillusionment or simple "flatness" in the early years (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthearly/). If you have lived together first, there can also be residual fellings of insecurity from that too.

There are lots of ways to add the sparkle back. You can try to create time together and have a romantic meal, get away for a few hours or days without the children, leave him romantic notes or give him a surprise gift (it doesn't have to be something expensive).

If you would like to try something more constructive, then why not try an marriage enrichment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/) evening or weekend - they are specifically designed for couples to keep their relationship bubbling along like exercise or "keep fit". You don't have to have problems in marriage, before you make the effort to work on your relationship.

One of the beneifts my husband and I got from our Marriage Encounter (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/services/meang/) weekend was a safe way to communicate especially around our feelings. We also learnt to understand ourselves and each other better and how love is a daily decision we make rather than just a warm feelings.

Marriage is a journey, whereas nowadays people often see it more as an arrival. You're quite right to identify that you need some time together to reconnect. Your marriage needs nurturing daily, and that's where the real joy comes from.