How do I stop him lying to me?

[rupert.tucker]

It all started last December about a week before christmas I discovered that me husband was having an affair, I spoke to the woman concerned and she said that if she had of realised that he was married she would not have touched him, but he had told her that we were divorced, but good friends for the sake of the kids. I struggled through xmas on auto pilot but decided to give my marriage another go. My husband thought that by new year that I should be over the hurt of his affair, then just recently I was checking our emails and discovered that he has been writing to another woman. Naturally I am devestated to say the least, but each time I have confronted him he said it was all lies and that he wasn't having an affair and that someone else was messing about with his email address. I don't believe him and I don't know what to do next. I love my husband to bits and he is a good father to our two children.

[Kate]

It takes more than a few weeks to recover from the hurt of an affair (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/), but the guilty party usually wants to put it behind them as quickly as possible. If you aren't both open and willing to accept that it takes time and effort to heal the hurt, then that is bound to affect your ongoing relationship. Is there any underlying issue in his life or between you that might be the reason he is contacting other women?

If you haven't already I recommend that you had a look at the section on affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) and the dangers of relationships through the internet (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/cyberaffair/)? There may be something there that sheds some light on what you are going through. Some people don't see "relationships" on the net as "affairs2, but for the other part of the married couple, they are just as much an affair and just as hurtful and dangerous.

Trust is usually an issue for couples that have been through something similar to you. You might like to look at the article (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/) on that. It may give you some ideas on how to talk things through with your husband, without putting him on the defensive.

All the best

Kate