Can somebody help me................

[fairietail]

I am in desprate need of some really good advise. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. Weve had a very rough road, but have had each other to count on.
He was an alcoholic for the first 7 years of our marriage. He has been sober now for the last 3.
In November of last year, he sat me down and told me that he had an affair. That he is truely sorry and that this would never happen again. His reason is because, he really thought I did.
Now this girl is claiming she is pregnant with his child. We do know that he is not the only person she had been with. But, still the possibility that another woman is carring my husbands baby is devastating, along with the whole affair thing. I feel like Im losing my mind. Some one PLEASE help me!!!

Karen

[Kate]

Dear Karen,

How devastating for you. It’s not surprising that you are overwhelmed with powerful feelings and wondering where life is going.

The most important thing is to remain close to your husband if you can. You say that you have been through some tough times together, so you have some foundations for working through painful times.

What sort of things helped you through in the past. Were you able to talk and share your feelings with one another?

I find it often helps to write things down even if I tear it up and throw it away afterwards at least it helps me think, so I can put my feelings into words. Acknowledging your true deepest feelings is important for your own well being in all this. It’s ok to have those strong feelings and they won’t overwhelm you, but you will make wiser decisions if they are not based on the feelings (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/feelings/) of the moment.

Have you begun the painful process of
forgiving (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/forgive/) your husband and rebuilding the trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/trust/) ?There are some articles on these subjects that I’ve put links in to.

Eventually you will want to talk to your husband about the possibility of the child being his, and how he feels towards it. There are ways eventually of establishing who the father is. I hope that he will want to involve you in any decisions about how he relates to the child if it is his. Perhaps first you need to comfort one another and sort out the hurt from the betrayal, then you can stand together and face this.

All the best

Kate

:)