husband visited prostitutes

[mojo]

My husband of 15 years recently told me that he had contracted an STI from a prostitute. I was devastated when he told me that he had been visiting prostitutes in massage parlours for 10 years since the birth of our 2nd child.
We are making an effort to save our marriage and are communicating better than we have for years.
I have written down my feelings which has been helpful but don't feel able to discussit with my friends - as I would normally do with other problems.
It would be helpful to hear from anyone else who has had this experience and learn how they coped with it.

[Hbailey71]

I'm brand new to this site. I just wanted to say that I wish I had just an ounce of your strenth, to be able to trust again. I admire you.

[Unregistered]

I am going through a similar situation. My spouse has been going to massage parlours for sometime and I recently found out.
He has had STD testing and thankfully everything is clear. We have been communicating lots since I confronted him and have been open with each other re the underlying cause(s) and what we need to do to repair our realtionship.

I have read numerous books on infidelity and one I would recommend is "After the Affair". While the books tend to focus on an affair with one other person, they still provide some help on understanding why, what emotions and stages you will go through and how to begin to heal and rebuild. There is another book I liked and I think it is called "Infidelity". I got both of them from my local library.

We have both agreed to work really hard on our relationship and that if necessary we will go for counselling.

I am still having a problem with trusting him and I am still at the stage where I am checking phone bills, expense receipts etc. I know I will have to move on, however, it has only been a month since I found out and I know I won't be able to trust him unless I see a change in behaviour that is sustained over a long period of time.

I am glad that I found your posting as I have found it difficult to find information on our situation and also, like you, I don't want to discuss this with anyone else. Let me know how things are going for you and maybe we will find others that can help us too.

[Kate]

Hi there,

Just wanted to make sure that you had found the area of the site that deals with infidelity (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/). There are some really helpful articles and books there some written by people who have come through infidelity.

I hope that you can find some help there as well as from those people who post here on the forum.

All the best

Kate

[Unregistered]

Its Mojo again - can't seem to get onto the site to give me a new password!
Many thanks to Kate and the unregistered replies. Its particularly encouraging to hear of someone in a similar position working at making a go of things. Good luck to youu - we also agreed we would seek counselling if we couldn't work things out ourselves - but so far arrre
Kate - I did find the infidelity pages and they were really helpful
Through them I got some infidelity books from Amazon which helped me to understand the process and us both to understand some of the underlying problems. We continue to communicate much better than previously and have got further ideas about taking things forward from the books.
It is now 5 months since I discovered and so far my husband says (and I believe him) that he hasn't been back to visit prostitutes - every month makes it easier to trust and hope for the future.
Our lovemaking is better than it has ever been - for me at any rate - its a funny old world!

[Kate]

Hi Mojo,

Good to hear your news.

I will get your password sent to you, so you can log on. Remember if you want to change your password to something memorable then you can change it once you have managed to log on.

All the best

Kate
:)

[liffy]

Mojo,

It's "me too" again. How have you managed to come so far? Do you have any tips that you can share with me. At first, I felt quite positive about the future, however, I find there are times when I tend to dwell on the past and relive it over and over. How can I move on and how do you rebuild the trust?