anybody a parent of young children?

[Unregistered]

I am having trouble deciding whether to encourage both my husband and my 4-yr. old daughter to communicate during our separation. My daughter is with me and my husband lives an hour away. My husband doesn't call more than once a week, and sometimes less than that. They see eachother once or twice a month for the weekend. Sometimes I think that's enough, however, my daugther refuses to talk to him on the phone unless I coax her and encourage her and also bribe her. I don't know if I should be doing this. She has lots of fun when she's with him, but sometimes gets afraid thinking of being away from me. She also says she misses him a lot and is now sleeping with a picture of him that I gave her when she was worried one night. Anyway, I also am wondering If I should encourage my husband to call more often so that she knows he is there for her even though he's away, and even though she won't talk on the phone. And I am wondering If I should suggest he take her for weekends or should I leave it up to him to "invite" her? Both situations resemble pulling teeth, but I think it's important that they communicate during this time apart mainly for her not to lose trust in Dad. Any suggestions, opinions, or similar situations are highly appreciated. thanks

[fairietail]

I know she is only 4, but HER opinions and what she wants to do is very important right now. Let her know that what she want and what she thinks counts. Ask her what she wants to do, then follow it, make sure she knows she can always change her mind. I dont know why you and your hubby are separated, but just because he may not be the ideal hubby right now, hes still DAD. Does have reasons why hes not keeping contact with the child? If so, are they ligit reasons? Maybe he is trying to separate the WHOLE picture. Find out why. My oldest son, last saw his "sperm donor" when he was 3 months old. I, too, tried to make his father be a part of his life and failed. What you have to realize is this..her trust is with YOU, she is safe and comfortable with mommy, if you try to force this situation and fail, she will turn the blame on herself. Believe me, I know. As long as you be the great mommy you are, and leave some dicisions to her, things will work themselves out.

I really hope this helps,
Regards,
Karen
P.S. Please let me know if this helps.

[Unregistered]

Sorry it has taken me awhile to respond to your helpful advice. I felt so sad and frustrated that my daughter would not talk to my husband that I stopped taking her feelings into consideration. Your advice helped me to see that and things are going much smoother now. I still worry about how their relationship will develop, but I hope things will work out okay. It's much better now that I don't pressure her into doing something she really doesn't want to do. I also have to leave things up to my husband, if he's ever going to learn to do things on his own without my reminders and comments. Thanks again!

dmbfan