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Unregistered
6th January 2004, 10:57 PM
Hi
I recently learnt that my wife had assiumed our marriage had no hope. Over the years and following redundancy I ploughed everything into sustaining a job, we both agreed that this was the best route forward and with children we went about making life as normal for them as possible, both agreeing that we will find out time and enjoy our time as and when the kids sttle in their lives.
Life has not been right for some time, my wife never had any interest in me, physically or emotionally, but hey I thought she works hard she deserves to relax inthe evening nice bath, good book, early night and long sleep. So I was gradually removed to the spare room as I disturbed her sleep.

To lay a fair picture all through this time whenever we were out together, on precious few occasions, I would be jealous of her contact with others as this seemed the only time we had as a couple. I would get jealous and say horrible things but afterewards we would make up and say sorry.
When I suspected something I begged her to tell me or for us to get some counselling but no there was nothing to worry about and she loved me.
Recenctly she told me the truth that she has been ssing someone else. I can't blame her for the way I treated her has been wron, but I do love her and want her back. She wants to continue the affair and be able to ring and say good night to me from his arms in his bed.
Any advice?

Kate
9th January 2004, 06:16 PM
Hi there,

It isn't clear how long your wife's affair has been going on or how deeply emotionally involved she has become.

The fact that she wants to keep in touch shows that she cares for you, but does she believe that it is possible to rebuild your marriage and does she want to?

Have you been able to talk to her of your pain and sadness about what has happened? Does she understand how things happened and the reasons for the choices that you both made?

I always believe there is hope to rebuild a marriage, but it takes both parties to recommit to the promises they made on their wedding day, to forgive and work through past mistakes and to try and discover what will make their marriage grow and bring them both fulfilment and happiness. All this is possible, where there is the will. There are lots of resources and help available.

Some of the parts of the site that might help are
Coping with Disillusionment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffdisill/)
Infidelity and Affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/)
Services to Strengthen your relationship (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/)

I do hope that you can find the way forward.

Kate