Communication

[Debbie]

My husband is a man of few words. In the past when I have tried to talk about our relationship, he either has nothing to say or leaves the room. I end up getting upset about this and give him the cold shoulder. This obviously makes things worse and once he said he had had enough and wanted to leave. This has made me so frightened that now I can't talk to him because I think if I raise the issue he will use the opportunity to say he's leaving. So I just accept the way things are but find that I am very lonely in this marriage.
Other than our personal relationship we are fine as partners and parents.

[Dave]

Dear Debbie,

The symptoms you describe are so common... the great thing is that you've had the wisdom to start to look for answers rather than just let the unseen wall between you go on growing.

There is a whole section on Difficulties in Communication (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffcommun/) which may well have some articles and resources to help.

The sad fact is that men and women do have very different styles and needs in communicating in many ways. When you raise the issue your husband quite probably feels baffled and then threatened, and can't handle the confusion so he withdraws. Can you find some ways which he does communicate and encourage him in these, rather than criticising what he doesn't do? - sometimes a little praise can work wonders.

What did you do when you were first in love - how did you communicate then? Can you find some ways to re-ignite the romance?

I'll ask Kate to look at his post when she returns from holiday to see what other insights she has.

Dave

[This message has been edited by Dave (edited 29 July 2001).]