Realisation about my marriage

[Unregistered]

I took my kids to a new school in September this year. What happened next was a total surprise. I would have no more expected to meet another falla than I would have expected to win the lottery! But when I saw the headteacher...................well, thats been it ever since. cant get him out of my mind. Its going no where I know. He is probably married and I am married and he would not be interested in me anyway. But knowing all this does not stop me thinking about him all the time and when I see him, I just wish he would give me a hug, if only for a few moments. On top of all this, I have been in contact with Denise Robertson and have just come to the realisation (or I am just admitting to my self) that my husband is not who I thought he was when we got married and that I do not feel safe and secure with him for a variety of reasons. I also know that he is not my rock but he says I am his!! My hubby and I are ok. We are not falling out all the time. Its just that I cannot get this other man out of my mind and I am seeing that I may have made a mistake when I married my hubby. I do not know why I should have fallen for this man now (or back in September as it was when I first saw him) as hubby and I have muddled along in the same manner for years. I never dreamt I would fancy anyone ever again so it has come as quite a shock to me. I just cannot understand why this has not happened before now. Anyway, the thing is, how do I stop wanting this other fella when I see him most days? I want to get him out of my mind. We are off up Scotland, hubby, twins and I for Xmas and I know I will be thinking of him most of the time we are there. Help. I do not know what to do. From Anonymous 12th December 13.53pm Friday.

[dazedandconfused]

Exercise caution

What you want and what you get mught not be the same thing

Do you want this other man bacause:

a. You are bored with hubby and family life
b. In your gut you know you don't love hubby any more
c. You just can't talk to your hubby about what you want and what is bothering you.

There is probably no such thing as the perfect marriage. It is a partnership and it need maintenance. That demands good communication by both of you. You have to be brave and face up to difficult problems or you will continue to simply muddle through and never feel the security you want.

On the security front you have to consider what the consequences would be if you were to ever take things further with this other man. Even if your marriage is over, his might not be and you have to accept that a relationship with him may go nowhere and leave you even more insecure at the end.

Of course it may be the opposite. He may be the love of your life. You might be his. You could ride off into the sunset and be happy ever after. But it's unlikely. Think about your kids, think about your husband, think about the other man and his family and think about what you want out of life. If you don't want to be with your husband any more there are better and less painful ways of going about it than this.

[Unregistered]

Dear dazedandconfused, Many thanks for your reply to my message. Although I have not got time to reply right now, I will get back to you tomorrow (Sunday) or Monday, ok. Thanks again. From Shirley Saturday 13th December 17.22pm Merseyside

[maria c]

I read a book about 'crushes' last year which I got from the library. It talked about crushes happening to anyone at anytime and are often on someone we dont know very well. they often are triggered by someting going on within you eg a change in lifestyle or can even just be sheer boredom and a desire to change things. the important thing is that they are not about the other person but about you even though the feelings can be intense at the time. they will pass so dont do anything drastic for now as you may well end up feeling embarrassed afterwards.