dazedandconfused
11th December 2003, 12:34 AM
I'm confused......
My wife and I split up earlier this year.
We've got one young child.
She said at the time that no-one else was involved.
We were both unhappy before the split. I asked her to come to counselling with me but she said "What's the point, it'll only give you false hope that we will get back together again".
Anyway, shortly after she left I found out that there was now another man on the scene. I went daft. I confronted her about it and she denied it. A short while later she claimed that yes there was an affair but that I had driven her to it with my accusations!!
A few weeks later she asked me to try again and said she would finish with the other guy. I was over the moon. She even wanted to go for help. I lasted a couple of days. She said I was being unreasonable by demanding she stop seeing the other guy!
Another few weeks went passed and she asked again if we could try again. She said she would finish with the other guy if I would have her back. I went in again. I so wanted it to work. She did finish it this time. But a couple of days later she changed her mind again and said she was only back because she felt guilty about our kid!
I started to really hate her now and went into a deep funk. I was so fed up, I didn't know what to do. Twice we tried, twice I wanted it to work and twice it went wrong so quickly.
Another few weeks went passed. I decided to sell our house and start moving on. She asked me to try again. Said she had finished it again. I said no. Changed my mind the following day and suggested taking things slow, going away for a few days and seeing if we can get the spark back. She said "Why didn't you say this yesterday?" She was already back with the other guy!!
So I push on with the house selling stuff and get some interest. Then she asks me to try again, again, again, again!!!! She said again that it was over with the other guy and that she wanted to know if I thought it could ever work out again. I said I thought it could if we both really wanted it to and were prepared to put the work in.
Well, I went away on business for a few days and changed my mind this time. I said no again. She was devestated. I guess she was telling me the truth this time. I trully do love her but there has been so much hurt and deceit since she left. I know that I love her enough to forgive the affair. I also know that she must have been extremely unhappy in our relationship to have left so soon after having our baby.
The thing I don't know is if I can ever make her happy again. If our relationship is dead. If I can live with myself if I don't give it another try. If we will slip back into the same old ways that got us here in the first place. It's just such a head wreck.
Is there anyone out there that has been through the same and had a good ending. You don't have to be back together for it to be good.....
My wife and I split up earlier this year.
We've got one young child.
She said at the time that no-one else was involved.
We were both unhappy before the split. I asked her to come to counselling with me but she said "What's the point, it'll only give you false hope that we will get back together again".
Anyway, shortly after she left I found out that there was now another man on the scene. I went daft. I confronted her about it and she denied it. A short while later she claimed that yes there was an affair but that I had driven her to it with my accusations!!
A few weeks later she asked me to try again and said she would finish with the other guy. I was over the moon. She even wanted to go for help. I lasted a couple of days. She said I was being unreasonable by demanding she stop seeing the other guy!
Another few weeks went passed and she asked again if we could try again. She said she would finish with the other guy if I would have her back. I went in again. I so wanted it to work. She did finish it this time. But a couple of days later she changed her mind again and said she was only back because she felt guilty about our kid!
I started to really hate her now and went into a deep funk. I was so fed up, I didn't know what to do. Twice we tried, twice I wanted it to work and twice it went wrong so quickly.
Another few weeks went passed. I decided to sell our house and start moving on. She asked me to try again. Said she had finished it again. I said no. Changed my mind the following day and suggested taking things slow, going away for a few days and seeing if we can get the spark back. She said "Why didn't you say this yesterday?" She was already back with the other guy!!
So I push on with the house selling stuff and get some interest. Then she asks me to try again, again, again, again!!!! She said again that it was over with the other guy and that she wanted to know if I thought it could ever work out again. I said I thought it could if we both really wanted it to and were prepared to put the work in.
Well, I went away on business for a few days and changed my mind this time. I said no again. She was devestated. I guess she was telling me the truth this time. I trully do love her but there has been so much hurt and deceit since she left. I know that I love her enough to forgive the affair. I also know that she must have been extremely unhappy in our relationship to have left so soon after having our baby.
The thing I don't know is if I can ever make her happy again. If our relationship is dead. If I can live with myself if I don't give it another try. If we will slip back into the same old ways that got us here in the first place. It's just such a head wreck.
Is there anyone out there that has been through the same and had a good ending. You don't have to be back together for it to be good.....