Should I tell?

[Unregistered]

I am interested to know what people think. I had an affair about 20 months ago after meeting a guy from the net. He lived a long way from me so I was able to kep it a secret saying i was visiting friends.

It is well and truly over and I have repented and know the Lords forgiveness.
My husband knows nothing of all this and most of the time I think that it is best that way but what do other people think?

We have discussed things like this and he always says he wouldn't tell me if things were over and he had had an affair something I am certain he hasn't done. He says why should we hurt someone with things they dont need to know.

What do others think and has anyone gone through the same thing??

We have been married for 21 years and things are much better between us now too.

[Dave]

Your question is always a tough one to answer, and it's one where I think one needs to really think deeply about ones motives for telling or keeping quiet.

Which will strengthen and build up your relationship?

Are you telling to salve your conscience, or because you believe concealment will be corrosive to your relationship?

You are clearly a Christian - and you have done the most important thing, you have sought and received forgiveness. You should not therefore be bound by the pangs of conscience, but should be able to walk free, knowing that we all fail in different ways to live up fully to the being the partner our spouse deserves.

Stand in that freedom, accept the forgiveness, and take the decisions that will build and uphold your marriage for the future.


Dave

[Unregistered]

Thanks Dave for your very helpful reply.
I will take on board what you said about accepting the Lords forgiveness and moving on in my own life.

I think I have definately decided not to say anything, ok I can't ever forget but thats the consequence of this sin for me, shall have to take it to my grave with me.

I would have liked some other view points on it though.

[only1_bettyspaghetti]

i have had affair so has my husband..I found the guilt un berable i was relived when my husband found out and i was with him..but you need to tell someone otherwise it will always be there

[maria c]

sorry not to have replied to your posting - I read it but it really is a dilemma. My husband formed an attraction to a colleague really on the email which got out of control. He felt uncomfortable even though nothing had really happened so told me. i cant even try to describe the pain i felt. However through the pain our relationship moved to a much better point where we felt closer - although even after nearly a year i am still working through the hurt. If he hadnt of told me then maybe we would still be just functioning at a distance. Maybe if the true love and committment is in your marriage then you can use this as a positive thing but obviously it is a risk and be prepared to work through a lot of pain. In some ways i actually respect my husband for sharing it with me as he didnt need to - although sometimes i wish he hadnt! it did have the efect of unlocking our love though and putting us in touch with our feelings. Please dont take this as advice to tell as only you can decide that. However if you do then make sure you get over to your partner that they are the most important person and always will be - the other person is of no real importance. I think in reality if my husband had of had a reall relationship with someone else and there was physical infedility then I probably couldnt have accepted it although some people do. i love my husband too much to be able to deal with that. Good luck.