Just found out two weeks ago my husband has had affair

[only1_bettyspaghetti]

I found out my husband has been having affair caught him on his mobile phone..my feels are mixed angry but thats passing my stomache is churning when he goes to work (as she is near there) was our wedding anniversary on the 8th november we went away was lovely talked and talked..then came home then hes back to work again my feelings come out..what did i do wrong! why! god how do i get threw this how do i move on.

[smity]

dont blame yourself just yet. Work on being happy with yourself. yes it hurts beyond belief to know that he is giving a part of himself to someone else that you had thought was only yours. My husband is in love with someone else. It is painful to think about it. But I can only improve me and work on me. If he doesnt want that then it is his loss. But you are right if it works out with us, it will take probably the rest of our lives for me to ever trust him again. And it puts a kink in the healing of a marriage. Don't keep your hurt hidden though, see a therapist or preist/pastor to help.

[bettyspaghetti]

my husband has nothing to do with the other woman..we have had a bad year this year with 2 deaths in our family and redundancie in 7 weeks time..i got close to someone i endered it then he did the same 2 months later..we are going back to relate to move forward as we want to be together..i didnt know what pain was till now we both feel it

[maria c]

My husband developed a 'friendship' with someone at work mostly over email which got out of hand. I was really upset and hurt as my dad had died a few months before and I just had a baby. I did quite a bit of reading at the time to try to get through it and get some understanding. One thing that really surprised me was that a bereavement in the family was often a trigger point for someone going on to develop an intense friendship or have an affair. It could either be the person who was bereaved or the partner of the person who was feeling shut out and unloved. although this had given me more reason to feel angry with him that he hurt me at a time i was already hurting I was quite relieved to know that it wasnt that uncommon. I think the book was After the Affair by relate or if not could have been one of the others in the relate series.

[bettyspaghetti]

thank you maria...were going to relate on friday things are getting easier here im keeping busy which helps me...I also discovered im my husbands first partner and first love hes 36 been together 14 years in a way maybe i understand why he did it as its like a unknown only been with one partner whats it like with someone else...i had been close to someone 3 months earler he also found out he forgave me but he was still hurting he didnt tell anyone exept of course this woman then he started the affair..i thought wed got threw it but we hadent..i feel stronger each day and we both learnt what real pain is.

[Liz]

Hi bettyspaghetti

I like your handle!!

Hope you've had a look through the section of the site on affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) and learning to trust again (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/).

It is tough when you go through bereavement. My Dad died three weeks after our first son was born and I disappeared to the other end of the country with the children leaving my husband feeling rather abandoned. He wanted to support me, but that didn't stop him feeling lonely. When I got home, I was quite mixed up inside with the grieving, so I wasn't exactly fun and loving to be with. Grieving can have quite an impact on us - often in ways we aren't aware of at the time.

Redundancy is another tough time. We've been through that and I felt really lonely at times while my husband struggled to come to terms with what had happened. It's at these times of pressure that you need to be very patient with each other and as honest about what you're struggling with as you can be without pressurising each other. There are times to speak and times to be quiet and supportive.

Hang on in there

Liz

[only1_bettyspaghetti]

Im writting again..its been a while since i have been on this site and 6 months have gone by..every day is easier we are a lot closer than we were before and stronger..we tried councilling then stopped it then started again we have now finshed and to be honust we had talked before we started the councelling..last year was a bad year my mum went in hospital and shes going in again in 8 weeks time so things come back to haunt you..the thing is we talk about it the worryies and im glad to say we getting there..we are both happy again!!!