my husband cheated, when will I ever trust again?

[gottabmovin]

In Feb. of 2002 my husband cheated on me. I only found out because 2 weeks after he had sex with this girl he got an infection and had to go to the doctors and in fear he might have gotten aids he told me before his test results came back. Thank God the results only showed a urinary trac infection, not a sexually transmitted disease. My husband said it was only once and that scared him enough that he won't ever do it again. It has been 8 months and I still am having a horrible time believing in him or trusting him. I question everything he says and does. I have thought about leaving the marriage then spend the rest of my life in a marriage that I can't trust. When do you trust someone again after this. How do you know when they are telling you the truth and when they are lying. If it wasn't for that infection he would have never told me. And the scary thing is those 2 weeks before that he never ever showed any guilt or signs of doing it. How do I know he just didn't get smart and is using a condom now? If you can help me please do. I need to know if there is an end to these horrible feelings and hurt.

BH

[mee2]

we seem to have ALOT in common. my husband also had an affair and I had found out in Feb. of 2002 also. his had lasted 2 years though(off and on). we are still sorting through all the difficulties and trust is a hard quality to believe in again. I beleive (as does he) that trust must be earned and will take a very long time. every situation is different. one of the most important asspects of recovery for us is to be able to be HONEST and OPEN about EVERYTHING. His lying and cheating will always haunt him (and me)but our relationship has changed for the better, and we are working hard at making it better everyday.

good luck - you are the only one who knows if your relationship is worth working on or not.

[Kate]

Hi there,

Wise words from mee2. If you would like somethign to read on the subect of trust to get you started, you could look at the article here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/).

All the best

kate

[Unregistered]

You have my sympathies - I have been in a similiar situation, the difference being that my husband lied about the infection, etc, in a very serious way - indicating to me that any length is OK to hide his actions. I found out about my husbands affair through my own efforts; first, intuition, then investigation with very strong evidence; still he denies, denies, denies, making me doubt my own mind. The only time he didn't deny was when he did not know how much I knew - and then he indicated that it was my fault. I don't have any remedies for the trust thiing - I think that I have come to the conclusion that anyone who trusts is a fool. I have tried to build my own existence through efforts at doing things I have never had time for before. My husband, I realize now, was never really a husband - there was no real committment to me. From the beginning, he lied - the lies just kept escalating, until finally he had an affair, probably thinking that because he had gotten away with the other lies, this one could be gotten away with, too. I would say tell your husband that the trust is gone; that it is up to him to regain it - best of luck. Keep some of yourself for yourself, be kind to you.

[Unregistered]

did the doctor tell him what the name of the urinary infection was? did he say he could give it to you? was it sexually transmitted? I could use some answers to these questions. thank you.

[Kate]

Hi

Sorry you haven't had a reply to this but if you have any concerns about your health, why not go to see the doctor or you could try a family planning clinic. Both would treat your enquiry with confidentiality and you would get accurate wise advice for your own particular ccircumstances.

All the best

Kate

[amartinez]

My husband had an affair with an ex-fiance on line. He does not call it cheated. He says that he confied in her because we were having problems. They were talking to each other for 6mos. He was seperating himself from me, he was mean, and hurtful. I an trying to work things out with him;but there are days I cry, and cry. He tells me that he is not sure if he will get back with me, for I was also very mean to him. That is why he started to talk to his x-fiance.
I do not know what to do.

[fallenstar]

I am going through the painful discovery of my H having an affair. It is going to be a long road to regain trust again. Don't beat yourself up about it. He needs to understand that he did the ultimate betrayal to his wife. My H and I are currently in therapy and trying to work together on getting past the affair 1st. Next comes rebuilding the relationship and the trust. I'm not sure if we will be together in the end. I strongly advise you and your H together seek marriage therapy. At least you go if anything. You can't pick your self back up alone. Good luck!