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View Full Version : 30 year going down the drain - chat rooms


Unregistered
13th October 2003, 07:10 AM
I feel your pain. I've been married 30 years to what I thought was a wonderful relationship and always trusted him totally. 6 years ago, maybe longer, he started chatting on line. Met someone and chatted so much, he actually lost his joband ignored his family. He flew out to meet her once (that I know of), says nothing happened, they were just friends. Promised he would leave it alone and several times over the last 5 years, I found their chats on his computer. Each time, promised it wouldn't happen again. I also recently found out he sent her money monthly. I confronted him and he says " Oh maybe $20 or 30 bucks once. I found a letter from her friend to my H stating something about when he stopped sending her money, things were not looking good.

I recently found he has a new one only a state away. Again claims just a friend. I found about 8 women he chats with. He also had one that he called a few times on our phone and chatted with for about an hr each time. He always claims they are just friends. Can't explain why he does what he does.

I no longer can trust my once wonderful husband. Our finances went down the drain and we can barely get by at the moment. Our retirement money is gone and there was a lot there. I no longer trust my DH and feel I should break it off. We have 3 grown children, who know a little about it, and are totally stressed. This has totally ruined our wonderful family. It is truly sad. My husband is depressed and has been for this time. I begged him to get help, but he doesn't. He was once a very intelligent loving man. He now just stares in space half the time.
A lot of other people ask me what is wrong with him?

It's a scary world out there and being a stay at home mom and housewife, I don't know how I'm going to handle life alone mentally or financially. He was the type to always sit and talk and I always enjoyed his company. Claims I'm not spiritual enough or loving enough. But yet he still loves me and wants me.

I'm still sticking around, but my stomach churns every day and night. I feel that every time he is down on his computer, he's making plans with some new chicky. Seems to be an addiction he can't leave alone. He works his own business in our basement.

We had a wonderful life (I thought) until 6 years ago. I think I should have left the first time I found out. Why did I trust him?

How do you start over at 52, with no job skills, other than secretarial. $10 - 12 won't get me very far living wise. I love having a partner to share everything with and really don't want to be alone. One minute I say ignore it, and the next I can't stand it anymore. I know I should just leave. H E L P!!! I've never even slept with another man in my whole life. I can't even imagine dating or ever sleeping with someone new.

I found this site, looking for help with my decision as to what to do.

Kate
24th October 2003, 07:06 PM
Hi there,

Sometimes when i read posts like yours I just feel overwhelmed by sadness and incomprehension. How can anyone turn their backs on such a long time of sharing life together as husband and wife.

I wonder what your husband is looking for and why he can't find that with you. But I'm sure that you have asked yourself the same questions!

There are some resources on the site to help people struggling with spouses and the internet here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/cyberaffair/).

Another issue that you highlight is one of trust. How does one rebuild it after being let down? You'll find some ideas about that here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/trust/). Somehow you need to establish an agreement of honesty with each other, and tell each other what will help you trust. I'm not sure that just saying your going to trust him and then going round the same cycle again is any sort of answer. Both of you need to commit to steps to rebuild that trust.

There is no reason why you cannot rebuild your marriage, but your husband does need to put his heart into it. Sooner or later he needs to choose whether he is going to love you with his will as well as his emotions or whether he wants to walk away. I know that you don't want to face that possibility - it would terrify me too, but you also don't want to live the way you are now either.

I hope you can find some way to talk things through with him.


Keep in touch

Kate :)