cant get on with sister in law

[anne]

I am so in love with my fiance, we have been together for 5 years but there is one thorn in my side, his sister. she never greets me when they come around to my house and hardly makes conversation. Whenever we go over to my my in laws she usually spends the whole time up in her room on the computer. I have tried all ways to try and let her know that all I want is to be her friend. She says very hurtful things at times and I have gotten upset but her mom and dad say that she is entitled to her opinion. She says that she can say what she likes about our life and our relationship because she is my fiance's sister and she is concerned for his welfare. I have tried ignoring the situation, talking to her about it, arguing (with her) about it.. She feels if I want to marry my fiance it is my duty to make an effort with her and the rest of their family as im, essentially marrying them as well. My fiance backs me up but his mom and dad wont see her doing any wrong

[Kate]

Hi there,

You can't get away from each other’s families, but you are marrying each other not them. I would say that the most important thing is to stay close to each other and stand firm. You won't see as much of your sister in-law once you are married and one day she will find her own husband and have other things to think about.

Are you doing any marriage preparation? I really recommend you doing some. It can help to build you up together, so you can face these challenges that come along. It sounds as if you are in the USA. There is Engaged Encounter (http://www.engagedencounter.org/) (which is Christian run, but you don't have to have that faith to benefit from the weekend course) over there and Prepare (http://www.lifeinnovation.com/) and the Prep program. You could ask your local minister or have a look out on the internet. Have a look too at our resources here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/weddings/marlifeprep/).

Don't get drawn in by your future sister in law. Focus on your fiance and building a strong future together.

Best wishes

Kate