Unregistered
26th September 2003, 06:44 PM
For several months now I've known my husband was having some kind of "inappropriate" relationship with a co-worker. He always said they were just friends, but deep down I knew that was a lie. Earlier this week I had enough and told him to either come clean about everything or get out. Yesterday I found absolute proof that they have a much deeper relationship - he must have told her he was thinking of leaving me because she e-mailed him that she wishes he would just move in with her like she's been asking him to for months. So last night I explained to him that if he would be totally honest with me and agree to break things off with her, I would be willing to go to counseling and try to work things out. He sat there and continued to lie (he didn't know I saw the e-mail), and made it seem like I was just paranoid and that I'm wrong for trying to control who his friends are. I finally told him that wasn't good enough and he needed to leave this weekend. He left for a few minutes, came back and showed me the e-mail she sent him. He couldn't even tell me about their relationship, only show me the e-mail and ask if I was happy now that I know everything. I've told him I want to know all the details about their relationship - how long its been going on, what lies he told me so he could leave and go see her, what he found with her that he doesn't have with me, etc. But he has not spoken too words to me since last night, and even slept in another room. I'm trying to give him space as I understand he is probably embarrased, hopefully feels badly about hurting me so much, etc. I have told him my offer still stands, and that if he breaks everything off with her, tells me all I want to know, and goes to counseling with me I will try to make things work if he will. I do still love him, but I wonder if I will ever be able to trust him again after he has hurt me so badly and done such a good job of lying right to my face. Any advice?