Empty inside

[Unregistered]

I dont know if anybody out there can help! it would be nice to talk to somebody in the same position. I feel alone with my thoughts, as knowbody understands how I feel.
It has now been 8months since I found out my husband had been having an affair for 5years. My husband travels abroad alot, he works on cruise ships, this is were they met. I discovered this by checking his telephone, I got suspisious when the same number came up, I telephoned this and a woman answered.
To cut a very long story short. My husband told me how sorry he was, and that it would never happen again, also he wasn't in love with her, it wasn't that sort of relationship. They hardly ever met, he wasn't attracted to her etc etc... So I telephoned her,She told me that everytime he arrived in the country he would telephone her and they would meet.And that she was in love with him. And as he had telephoned in front of me and told her that it was over. That he wanted no more contact with her, she would except his wishes.Since then I have tried so hard to get back on track.
But the problem is he had an affair 6years ago, also with a woman abroad(both these woman are 10years my junior).He made the same promises. What makes his promises this time any different. I dont think it helps any that he still travels, I am ok until i know he is leaving then the emotions kick in and i become a mess.My added problem is this woman left a message on his telephone last month which i picked up while checking his telephone. quote" I know you said it was forever but I miss you and carn't live without you, please call me, i need to speak to you and she then left her telephone number. I telephoned her back, I wont repeat what my reply to her was.After telling my husband, he telephoned her and requested her to leave no more messages. He has since had his number changed.
He says it was never an emotional relationship and it is all in her mind.I dont know what to think, except I dont like the fact that they both work on cruise ships and that she could be working again on any ship he turns up on. And obviously she hasn't got over him. And I cannot trust him. What do I do.?
I am so hurt, so confused. Part of me is so angry with him, one minute i love him the next i want to leave. I feel like i am going insane.I am so unhappy, he has tried, I think he is sorry. But i cannot trust him again. As it took me years to get over the hurt last time, and to find out he had started having another affair only months after the first one, hurts me even more. And in all this time, he was so loving to me , i really believed that he wouldn't do this to me again.
I am so frightened of loving him again, I just cannot take anymore pain.
Is love really enough , wouldn.t I be happier without this man? I keep asking myself the same questions.
I do know I cannot live like this for much longer, please help?

[Kate]

I'm sorry I don't have first hand experience of what you are going through but a couple of things occurred to me when reading your post. Is your husband away for long periods of time? Do you think it might help if he changed his job and came home to work? The temptations would then not be so great.

You might also like to read the article on trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/trust/) on the site. It gives some ideas on how you can rebuild trust. Since he let you down a second time, perhaps you need to rethink together the way you build the trust. You can't just switch trust on after being hurt so badly. I'm not surprised you fear getting hurt again. These are some of the things that you need to work through together. It may be painful for him, but he needs to know what you are struggling with and work with you to rebuild your marriage.

There are some encouraging signs in the way he has tried to cut the last woman off from him, and done it openly to reassure you. It will be a long haul through this tough time. I hope that your husband will be able to find the will to help you through.

All the best

Kate