what can I do???

[snuggle]

I am confused hurt and upset, I live abroad away from all my friends and family. Earlier this year life with my husband became to much, we were constantly arguing, he was abusive and agressive with me. Finally I plucked up the courage to leave with our 5 year old daughter, I felt free. I was so prepared to start a fresh with my girl and look forward to a future of happiness. My partner got in touch after two days and said how sorry he was etc, during this time I was very upset and did not have any friends here that I could confide in, so I turned to my family. They were very supportive and offered me a shoulder to cry on. I told them things that had gone on between my partner and I and my mother was furious that he treated me this way. She felt helpless with being on the other side of the world so she sent him a letter telling him how she felt.
We eventually got back together and he never mentioned this letter also my mother never told me. Until she phoned me and asked to come on holiday in three months, i said it would be great she is my mum and I love her dearly. My partner went mad, he has called her horendous names he has called her and told her she is not welcome in his house. My mum at the time was not aware we were living together, she tought she would be coming to my house that I rented. After my husbands response I have been torn between the two, my mum does not hold a grudge she says lets just put it in the past and move on, but he will not, he has said if she sets foot in our house he will call the police as she will be trespassing. It is five days before she arrives and I am sick with worry, I have no one out here and when my family come on holiday they are not welcome it is tearing me apart, he calls my mum horrible names and he is so angry.
I am so upset that he is treating me this way and I feel cheated that I come back to him with all the promises that the future will be happy, when in truth it is not, I am back to where i was six months ago, worse still I have returned my daughter to this vunerable unhappy situation, it is really getting me down. If anyone has any advice I would be grateful.

[Unregistered]

YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER.

[Dave]

Hi Snuggle (Hey, I like the handle - I get a real picture of you!)

I'm confused by your post, and it makes it difficult to respond. You talk about your "man" alternatively as your partner and your husband - You also talk about your Mum not knowing you are living together.

My guess is you are not married - if so, as the post below says, your loyalties can be to whoever you choose - your daughter, your mother, or your man.

If you are married then the situation is different - you have made various promises. One of them is to make your husband your primary relationship, ahead of that with your Mum.

I certainly don't think that your husband/man is being very sensible and reasonable - you both need to sit down and talk this through. It is your (plural) house, not just his, and part of the art of marriage is to learn to work through conflicts in a constructive way. But the first part may actually be to listen to what is really fuelling his anger and to show him that whatever your mother may have said, that you love and value him. His behaviour sounds as if he is is very insecure about where your loyalties and affections lie.

Good luck

Dave