Sad and lost

[Dreamer]

Hi everyone, things have changed again. There has been another women involved for some time and a few weeks ago she confronted me. I didnt do or say anything to her, but I did blow up at my husband. Since then we have talked, and he told me that he loves me but is not in love with me. He says he thinks about me all the time, but right now he is enjoying being single and doesnt want a commited relationship with me or anybody else. It is extremely hard to deal with, nowing I caused this to happend and Im the reason why he left me. I so badly want my husband back. I spent the night with him a couple of nights ago, had an extremely good time, but now he is distant again. Its really hard to give him this space that he want or needs. I want to call him everyday, just to hear his voice or talk about what is going on in his life. I dont want him to feel presured though, and he pulls away completly. Trying to be patient is very difficult. Trying not to call or see him is even more difficult. I just want my husband to come home. I cant seem to stay focused these days, I miss him. All of my friends keep telling me to give him some space and he will come back. Im scared to death that if he doesnt hear or see me he will forget me and find someone else, or worse someone else will find him. If anyone has any suggestions, I would be very greatful.

Lost
Dreamer

[libbielou]

i know how you feel i am in the same position as you exactly the only thing we can do is keep going, sooner or later something has to give one way or another. look after yourself and rem,ember you are not alone.
libbielou

[Dreamer]

thank you for your reply. How do you get through the days without your husband? Does anyone now a trick to staying focus on work, children, anything but thinking about my husband? How do you stop the feeling of wanting your family back, I miss the everyday stuff, him coming home, dinners, sex whenever we wanted. Now I have none of that, and to make it worse I realize now that I could have prevented this and saved my marriage. I am so hurt and so lost, I cant seem to find any direction. My thoughts are consumed with my husband. Any one out there who has any advise or suggestions would be greatly appreciate.

Dreamer

[libbielou]

i have been at that stage where every waking thought is your husband, cant clean cook even look after the children properly everything you do is on auto pilot. The only thing i can say is that i have found that although it is the hardest thing in the world stop yourself from getting in touch, it does work. When i get in touch all the time its like he's not bothered but when i don't its why havent you been in touch. Mine to is with another woman and that makes us feel a failure but i just keep thinking i haven't failed you have. I have done everything to keep my mind occupied and it is hard, ive also sat there on a chair all day and analysed everything to see if i could have done things differently to stop it happening, it has never done me any good just made me more depressesd, ive had to drag myself to do things but it does work even if im not thinking about it for half an hour. Have you any good friends you could go out with, even though you have no confidence its a great start. I promise you like me you will get there but it takes time and i find just as you r getting yourself up they come around. My husband told me that he thinks about me all the time, so even though he might be with her his thoughts r on me so what kind of relationship is that, he's betraying her already and i know it will be the same for you. It won't last but you have to show him that you can cope without him and although you love him you have a life outside him. Hang on in there and when u go to call him think no, u want me u know where i am. good luck libbielou

[Dreamer]

Well my pain has gone from bad to really bad. A friend of my husband came into town and he called me on Friday say he had show this friend pictures of me and my daughter and really wanted him to meet me. I saw him on Saturday, he was very distant and cold, but said he still wanted his friend to meet me and my daughter, that Sunday morning before my husband went to work he could meet my daughter, since I was going to meet him that day on my way home. Well I called him Sunday morning an hour before he had to go to work-Im suppose to call to make sure its ok to come over incase he has someone there. Well I got no answer and assumed he was in the shower. So I headed down to his house. When I got there I new right away that someone was there. So my daughter went up to the door and everyone was standing in the doorway. When I got there, it became very obvious that someone was there. So we left and I went back to get my video camara that he has been using and our s** tape, that he has been watching over and over, so he said last week. I talked to him this morning and now he is trying to say she just got there. Right. I am so hurt, and yes I new that he was dating but to show up and find her there, my imaginantion is having a field day. I threw up all night. He said this morning that its not what I thought and that he never wants to hurt me but did and probably will in the future and that he still loves me. Everyone says it will get easier, it just is getting harder and now my daughter was affected. She is hurt because he wouldn't even let her into the house like she was an outcast. I am trying to stay focused on her right now, but it is so hard. HOw come it is so easy for men to sleep with other women and us women can do it? I am so devistated, this really hurts all these f*** thoughts of him with this girl, did he touch her like me, did he-oh gosh his stuff just doesn't go away. I dont now which way is up or down, how am I suppose to help my daughter and not speak badly about her dad, be supportive of her dad when I am crying and hurt by her dad?

This suck. Thank you for your advice please keep writting. As for friends no I really dont have any, my husband was my best friend who I talked to about everything. I tried to make female friends but I just couldn't take there-hes no good for you attitude, go out with other guys, take the wedding ring off. So I stay to myself now and hang out with my daughter, but she always wants to play with her friends, so really Im by myself.

Thanks again, please keep writting-it is helpful.
Dreamer

[libbielou]

although im not a moderator and not that clever, i do feel your pain, your like a mirror image of my life in so many ways, all the things that have happened to you have me, the reality that this other woman is real does come as a great shock, (i found her asleep on his couch with her arms round my dog if you dont mind,) but the body blow is just the same, yes you will be sick who wouldnt its like you have just been hit with a sledge hammer.As for your daughter its a lot harder with girls than boys.They always seem to be all for their daddies, but believe me you have behaved a lot better than i did, what i didn't call him wasnt worth saying i ranted and raved like a lunatic but in the long run it didnt do no good, but u have to let off steam somewhere. I promise you these horrible thoughts you are having about those two will pass and that bit does get better, i thought i would end up in a mental hospital at first because it became an obsession they were my every waking thought as im sure its yours. I know you think your falling to peices and that your not coping at all, but please beleive me you are doing really well its just all the different stages that you have to go through to get to the end of the tunnel. I understand what you mean about the friends who all tell you to get rid and find someone else ive had that one off a few of mine. Oh if only life was that easy none of us would ever be upset would we. I tried the one night stand thing many years ago when we split up, trust me i didn't feel any better the next day. The guilt only made me feel 10 times worse. As for another relationship at the minute i dont think i would have the confidence, trust the f**ker or have the inclination. the only thing i can say about these people who do it is they weren't as in love as i was or you are, you need good friends round you not friends like those. I am on here most nights and if you ever want to talk you let me know, even though we dont know each other we are connected through this nightmare we are in. I have found though by acting cool with him it is starting to sway him a bit not to where he wants to come home but where i am starting to have some control over the situation, ive not had that for such a long time and it is giving me the confidence to get through the day. I still want to phone him or text him all the time but i am finding it easier not to do it. I have told him that if he isn't at the house to see the kids on a sunday by one then we're out of here and he got there at 12, last time he came he stayed 45 min this time 3 and a half hours, then he said something about coming in the week and i said no ( and it killed me to say it ) just keep to sundays so i can get on with the things i do in the week (like ive got a great social life not..) anyway he didn't say much but i know he didn't like it. Most men have to feel important they need it like air once they notice that they are not as important in your life as they were they spit their dummies out. Like i said im cool with him but not to cold, never enough to cause a row but when he wants to know what ive been up to i just say oh nothing and i don't ask him anything about his other life as if its really unimportant to me (when really i want to know everything) but im gettin there slowly and it might not mean he will come home but like i said im gaing confidence, i hope you will keep on as you are, your doing really well and i hope i haven't gone on to much take care speak to u soon libbielou. This might cheer you up a bit.

Our friends are like angels
Who brighten our day
In all kinds of wonderful
Magical ways

Their thoughtfulness comes
As a gift from above
And we feel were surrounded
By warm caring love

Like upside down rainbows
Their smile brings the sun
And fill ho-hum moments
With laughter and fun

Friends are like angels
Without any wings
Blessing our lives
With the most precious things

[Dreamer]

Well I have had a few changes, but I wanted to first say thank you very much for replying back. My husband and I are going seperate ways. He has been dating this new girl for about a month and has told me that he want to try with her to make a go of it. One of the most painful days and conversations I have had in a long time with him. So I have tried to keep myself busy with work and going to the gym, but it just doesnt go away. I still think about him all the time, everyday at work, at the gym, during everything I do. Sometime I get really angry and just want to yell at him, other times I just want to be held. I have tried to go out to meet someone, but nothing is interesting out there to me. I continously feel so lonly and such a failure. I would have tried anything to save our marriage. It really hurts that he is getting serious to this girl. I am also now discovering lots of lies that my husband has said, and so it is creating lots of anger. I have started going Therapy to help, but the pain still stays.

Will this pain ever stop? Will I ever stop missing him? Any advice is always greatly appreciated.
Dreamer