life must go on

[bellaioo]

Hi Lulu,
Had a great holiday girls had a good time ,i feel we got on o.k and that is all i asked for happy memories , now it,s back to getting on with life in the real world ,one of my daughters is off to ireland with a friend for a week i am going to really miss her just taking one day at a time . i am going to enroll in a computer course and hopefully get a job at the end .it is still so hard to look to the furture but i know i must for the sake of my daughters. Thanks for thinking of me .

(In response to this thread (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1214))

[bellaioo]

Hi I am taking each day as it comes but life is very lonely when you have shared it with someone for 20 years.When the children are in bed thats when i feel it.He comes and takes the children out about twice a week .It is all the lies that i cant stand i know he isnt staying at his mums like he says he is he wont tell anyone where he is staying what has he got to hide ,he said there was nobody esle involved but he hasnt been back to his mums since we came back from holiday 3 weeks ago. He is also being really cold and hard towards me cant wait to get away from here when he picks the girls up.Keeps saying how he has moved on with his life ,it might be easy for him as it was his choice and he knew that was what he was going to do .He seems to think the girls have accepted the situation but he dosent see them upset because he hasnt rung or that he wasnt very nice to them when he has taken them out.Apparently he said to them that he wasnt happy at home and he is very happy now and he has moved on in life how does he think that makes them feel.Or me for that matter ,why does he want to hurt me more then he already has.
Icant help but still love him but when he comes he is like a different person he is very selfish and is only thinking of himself or someone esle as i am sure that is the reason he decided he was unhappy in our marriage ,why cant he be trueful about it all.All the promises he made that he would continue to sort my car out so when the garage rang he gave them my no so he didnt have to deal with it.I am trying to keep busy start a computer course tomorrow hopefully i can get a job when i finish.
I have to look to the furture but he wont get a divorce easily thats for sure .How do continue to have hope in my marriage when he has moved on and drawn a line under our marriage?:confused:

[Unregistered]

Hi there its lulu.

I was so sorry to read your posting. I was praying that things would be getting a little easier for you but clearly this hasn't been the case.

Going back a few months now I said that it would be hard to move on without answers. It seems that these unanswered questions are whats holding you back from moving on.

Perhaps you could ask to speak to your husband the next time you see him. Explain that you understand he has moved on but just need help to move on yourself.

Maybe is he realises how his secrets and lies are stopping you from being happy and moving on he will eventually give you the answers you are craving.

Its worth a shot and with the reasurrance that this has nothing to do with trying to mend your marriage he may be willing to finally be honest with you. Make him realise that his lies about what he has or has not done to try and protect you is actually harming you.

I think it is remarkable how strong you've been through all of this and I know you will find happiness again. I truely believe things happen for a reason. Keep that in mind when you are feeling low and try to look forward, not back.

Good luck and keep in touch.
Lulu.

[bellaioo]

Thanks Lulu,
It's nice i know that you are thinking of me.
You are right i do need to know the anwsers but i dont think i will get them from him he isnt willing to tell me anything about his new life.He wont tell anyone where he is staying says his life is his buisness and nobodys elses.It would probably be easier to know the truth about why he wasnt willing to give our marriage a go ,he hasnt kept many of his promises .My eldest is upset that she has to go out to see him wants to know why he cant see her at home but how can i explain to a 9 year old that her daddy has a new life.I still dont understand it all myself.I loved this man for 20 years and to be told i am not what he wants anymore really hurts.They said that he cant love them enough to stay and have tried to explain that it wasnt them he dosent love anymore its me ,they love him and i would do nothing to stop that ,he will always be they dad and would never let them down.I do hope he dosent as to be hurt by the man you love and someone i would have done anything for ,but to hurt my children anymore then they have to be would be worse. I do try to look forward and to see a furture but it is hard .