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View Full Version : Is it really over?


Mullins
25th August 2003, 08:37 PM
Hello, it looks like i finally found a forum that can help.
Im 35, wife is 38 and i have 2 girls 9 and 11.
We met 15 years ago, and have had an up and down relationship, it didnt help that i was rather imature for my age (still am to some extent)
I have often threatened to leave her, and she is the same, but we always got over it and enjoyed the making up.
Shortly after we married i started drinking, that soon turned into drinking every night, no major amounts, just every night.
When she became pregnant i only just managed to get to the birth as i had a hangover, and when she got home with the baby i wanted nothing to do with it as it wasnt planned.
The next baby we tried for, but same again came at birht time!!
In my drunken moments i have abused her mentally, damaged things in the house and broken her spirit. I had taken everything out of her that i had married her for, i had taken her SPARKLE!!
I have often tried to stop drinking, it can last a few weeks, then i creep back to it, im not bad tempered everytime i drink, just once a year i seem to explode, and now its payback time.
After taking her to the brink of a breakdown, and her needing to go on pills to slow her heart, and anti depressants she is seeing a solicitor tomorrow to start divorce proceedings, and she says there is no turning back!!
I am now at my wits end and off the drink, i just want her back, i want to look after her, i want to know how to give her her sparkle back.
I plan to change with or without her, i just wish it could be with..



Just reading through this, and now holding my tears back, how could i have let it go on for so long and not listening to her?
How can one man break down the person he loves most in the world? after all she did for me in our early years, this is how i repay her!
I just wish i knew i could change, and stop going through life making one mistake after another, i wish i could finally settle and see the love that was around me, why did i wait until it was out of the door before realising?

Kate
2nd September 2003, 11:19 PM
Dear Mullins,

Thank you for your brave sharing. I think there are quite a few people visiting this forum who wonder how they managed to mess up and not realise what they were losing!

There is always hope. You can still sort out your drinking and learn to live without it. You can sort out what is the source of your immaturity and need for drink. You can work through the divorce proceedings, if your wife is determined to go ahead, with dignity and fairness. You can build a future relationship with her and the children. It won't be the closeness of a united family, but you could still win their respect back. You can still hope that one day she might forgive you and be able to recover the sparkle, even though you lead separate lives.

Within you is the potential to be a sober and loving man. There is a future out there, so why not start building it and seeking the help you need to do that.

All the best

Kate