working with partner, need a solution

[nallie]

my husband & I have been working together for 6 years now. He trained me in the industry we are in and I loe our line of work. The problem is he hates his work, but feels he is too "old" to do anything else, and I think also feels that I "need" him in our business. I would like to continue to work wtih him, but his hatred of our line of work & the stress associated with it (both the job & his feelings) is reflected daily in our workplace. I can not work with all the negative crap flying around the ofice. I have told him this and asked him to correct the situation, but he hasn't sought professional help & is unable to control his frustration & rage in the office. He dumps much of the stresss associated with the job on me to deal with. I don't mind doing the difficult things, but I do mind when I have him raging around the office & I am dealing with enough stress created by the job, I don't need more from his attitude.

I have told him that it is fine with me if he goes into another line of work, but he refuses saying there is nothing else he is trained to do. We are in sales & that is what he hates. If I hated my career, I would get training in another line of work, rather than "suffering".

I have tried to adjust and compensate, but I am tired of it and no longer want to live like this. Obviously, since I see his bad side at work everyday and his lack of respect for me this affects my feelings towards him in our relationship. I hate him. I love him, but I hate him and don't want to deal with his childish and selfish behavious anymore. And I do not want him making an already difficult job worse by his attitude in the office. He also doesn't help around the house unless I sit down and make lists for him of things that need to get done. This is ridiculous! I don't have the time to be his mother and make lists, he has eyes, why can't he just take the iniative for once?

Nallie

[Kate]

It seems that your husband has dug himself into a big hole, and is just sitting in it thrashing around. What do you think is really behind his anger? Is it simply that he doesn't like his job or is he struggling with where his life is going and his self worth?

Perhpas you could sit him down and gently tell him that you can't do the work and cope with his tantrums at the same time. Some counselling or anger management might help if he was willing to acknowledge the problem and seek help. The challenge is to help him see the difficulties that his attitude is causing, while not undermining his confidence anymore.

I know you are hurt and angry from what you have written. Somehow you need to get through to him that all is not well and that you are hurting and you want to work together on finding a solution.

I hope that you can find a way to talk things through calmly.

All the best

Kate

[nallie]

Thanks for the response.

I have spoken with him about perhaps taking an anger management course. That idea was poo-pooed. I think it is ikely he can't deal with the stress in the office and I have suggested taking stress management classes as well, I too would be interested in going with him to a class like that and told him we both could go. That too was blown off. This is what I think he really needs, a productive outlet to the pent up stress, but it is almost like you said, he is in the hole & not getting out.

You can lead a horse to water but can't mke him drink. I really am at a loss, have tried what you said and really knw no solution. I appreciate your caring, thanks!

Nallie

[Unregistered]

I don't think that you ltold us whether it is your business or you both work for a larger organisation.
My wife and I worked for our own business and it was probably instrumental for our own marriag ebreakdown.
It is terribly difficult to work, live and go to bed together. Work out what is moxs impotant in your relationship and I would hope that work comes last. There is always another job, but is there another man that shares the qualities your man has? Unlikely!

Search the market place for jobs. Living together at work and play can be good and people do it, but the majority cannot get to longterm grips with it. Better to find a new job rather than a new man!He can leave his negativity at work and have his positive side for you at home.

I didn't do it and regret it bitterly.

Good planning

Richard.

[nallie]

we are real estate agents...independant contractors who work together as a "team", not for a big corporation. It is our own business.

I simply can not go into another line of work for a few reasons...I have no college degree and the only work available in this area that pays somewhat decent is if I were an engineer or a government employee. We live in a rural area and there is no work that pays decently for an undegreed person such as myself. Second, I know of no other job where I can earn over $200,000 annually, as I currently earn, other than this business. I am the force that creates the business we do. If I leave this business, we will go broke.

My husband has a business degree, but he refuses to go into another line of work, saying he is too "old" to start a new career.

Plus...I love my career, he hates it. If anyone were to find "other " work, it should be him, but he refuses.

Nallie