LeighAnn
14th July 2003, 06:49 PM
I almost don't know where to begin but I will try to get as much detail in which the least amount of words. My background is that I come from a long line of being abused by family and then in past marriage. Been single since 1995 and found a man whom is kind, compassionate, and loving in 2002. We married after a short engagement Dec. 13 2002. From day one he told me he had a friend (girl) which I had no problem with - HAD as in past tense now. A woman called the house shortly after I had moved in with him. It was the OW's sister.. OW = other woman.. Since that day She and the OW have done everything from sending letters, calling me, emailing him, driving here to see him, calling him, sending him cards, and NOT from being a friend mind you. THis other woman is basically wanting him to leave me.. She has stated to me and to him that she will do whatever it takes to get him back. A lit' background on them. My husband never been married before and the only other relationship was with her. They have known each other 28 years. She during this period is married with children. Just found out recently, that my H even sold his house to move to where she lived, but she decided to stay with her husband. So he moved back to home town and bought back his house. Other time my H asked her to move here and she declined, and told him the reason was that she always wanted a big house and her husband was buying one. My H told me that he and her never slept together... I am finding this one a lit' hard to believe. Oh, this is the real clipper, she filed for a divorce right after finding out that we were getting married. The stress has really taken its toll out on me and us as a couple. We almost got a divorce but we talked. He now tells me that he has been talking with her. Another incident, was a family wedding we both should of gone too but HIS Neice whom is good friends with the OW decided to bring her along, so hubby thought it best that I sit this one out because he said she would cause a scene. I don't know how many panic attacks I had that day but I was in bad shape. I find out that she had the nerve to give him a kiss and a hug. Talk about being slapped in the face each and every time I hear that they have talked. MY H says all he wants is too be friends with her. I know she has an agenda to say and do anything to get him to submit to her once again even after everything she has done to him before. I am scared. Another wedding is coming up on July 26 for his neice - the one who is friends with the OW.
Another incident.. Last weekend my H went on a weekend trip to pick up a purchased Semi for a friend of his. Left Fri and returned Sunday. My H's best friend came over late Friday night.. He called first and asked me if he could come over. I wondered about this but thought no harm could come of this, so I said okay. I knew this man liked me as he has stated this. The last time H went on trip for semi, he tried to kiss me and I quickly nipped that attempt in the bud,..We will only be friends and if you cannot respect that then we shouldn't even talk I told him.. For crying out loud "F" you are my husbands best friend - you know the man I am in love with , the man I married?.. F=friend
Anyway He "F" came over and told me that my H was not on no Semi trip and that he was with the OW for the entire weekend. Imagine what that did to my heart. It shattered into a million peices. He said that IF I told my H what he had just told me that he will deny every word of it. He told me that if I ever need a place to stay that I could come live with him. RED FLAG ! I Cant believe this talk is what I told him and that we needed to change the subject tearfully...It dawned on me that he has attempted this before and I am thinking. This so called F is being Just like the OW....He was a good friend but now that I am putting everything together and after talking with a woman from the crisis line she made me see what was happening. I told the "F" , that I love H very much and there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for him. I think he was kind of upset and he left. I told my husband right away when he called that F was here. You see I almost left to a shelter - in fact the police were going to take me the following day but I decided that it was just a ploy by F to get me to leave. I don't believe it too be true that the H spent the weekend with her and that Our Friend lied so that I would leave. I don't call that being a friend and so on. I have not told my H what transpired in past and present with his best friend - should I ? I don't want to cause a problem.. figured I can handle it myself.
Back to the OW... My husband is so compassionate and nice it sometimes is so sickening.,.HE will do anything to stay away from confict of any kind. So, he remains a friend to this OW. Like I said before - It is a real slap in the face to me. I feel humiliated, hurt, so many feelings that are undesirable to me.. My mind is heavily burdened with the what ifs, what is she up too, why is she doing this to me and him. and also, I wonder if he did..... He came home sunday and he took me out to breakfast and shopping, and that evening we made love like never before.. I just melt in his arms.
It is Friday now, I still cant get the past weekend out of my mind though...
I love this man very much and he loves me.. But I don't know if mentally I can handle the two of them "being friends"..I know if I were in his shoes - She would Not even be a friend..I just wish that people would leave us alone.. And yes, I am not perfect neither so I better fill you on about me.. Because I am in such terrible turmoil over all of this, been going on for over 8 or 9 months, that I have treated my problems with alcohal and I admit that it is terrible of me. I have quit drinking now.. I suppose I was in self destructive mode because I didn't know how else to deal with this OW and so on. I felt he should of put an end to her behavior from day one. But, he I suppose doesn't want to hurt her. I think " What about me ?" I am hurting over here does no one see that I am hurting ?
Okay, I know I have said a lot, but I need help ...Please
Another incident.. Last weekend my H went on a weekend trip to pick up a purchased Semi for a friend of his. Left Fri and returned Sunday. My H's best friend came over late Friday night.. He called first and asked me if he could come over. I wondered about this but thought no harm could come of this, so I said okay. I knew this man liked me as he has stated this. The last time H went on trip for semi, he tried to kiss me and I quickly nipped that attempt in the bud,..We will only be friends and if you cannot respect that then we shouldn't even talk I told him.. For crying out loud "F" you are my husbands best friend - you know the man I am in love with , the man I married?.. F=friend
Anyway He "F" came over and told me that my H was not on no Semi trip and that he was with the OW for the entire weekend. Imagine what that did to my heart. It shattered into a million peices. He said that IF I told my H what he had just told me that he will deny every word of it. He told me that if I ever need a place to stay that I could come live with him. RED FLAG ! I Cant believe this talk is what I told him and that we needed to change the subject tearfully...It dawned on me that he has attempted this before and I am thinking. This so called F is being Just like the OW....He was a good friend but now that I am putting everything together and after talking with a woman from the crisis line she made me see what was happening. I told the "F" , that I love H very much and there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for him. I think he was kind of upset and he left. I told my husband right away when he called that F was here. You see I almost left to a shelter - in fact the police were going to take me the following day but I decided that it was just a ploy by F to get me to leave. I don't believe it too be true that the H spent the weekend with her and that Our Friend lied so that I would leave. I don't call that being a friend and so on. I have not told my H what transpired in past and present with his best friend - should I ? I don't want to cause a problem.. figured I can handle it myself.
Back to the OW... My husband is so compassionate and nice it sometimes is so sickening.,.HE will do anything to stay away from confict of any kind. So, he remains a friend to this OW. Like I said before - It is a real slap in the face to me. I feel humiliated, hurt, so many feelings that are undesirable to me.. My mind is heavily burdened with the what ifs, what is she up too, why is she doing this to me and him. and also, I wonder if he did..... He came home sunday and he took me out to breakfast and shopping, and that evening we made love like never before.. I just melt in his arms.
It is Friday now, I still cant get the past weekend out of my mind though...
I love this man very much and he loves me.. But I don't know if mentally I can handle the two of them "being friends"..I know if I were in his shoes - She would Not even be a friend..I just wish that people would leave us alone.. And yes, I am not perfect neither so I better fill you on about me.. Because I am in such terrible turmoil over all of this, been going on for over 8 or 9 months, that I have treated my problems with alcohal and I admit that it is terrible of me. I have quit drinking now.. I suppose I was in self destructive mode because I didn't know how else to deal with this OW and so on. I felt he should of put an end to her behavior from day one. But, he I suppose doesn't want to hurt her. I think " What about me ?" I am hurting over here does no one see that I am hurting ?
Okay, I know I have said a lot, but I need help ...Please