advice?

[Unregistered]

how do you really know when your marriage is over? i have been married for 9 years now, the first 7 were terrible,but i loved him and stuck it out because i know there is a good person inside of him, the last 2 years we had moved away from our hometown, while we were gone, we were happy,we talked, got along, and i actually got to where i could trust him,but now we have moved back to our hometown,that is where my kids,parents, family live, and his too,and i thought we had grown strong enough to be able to live with our families and live the dreams that we had shared together,but it seems that the same things that we had to deal with before are right in our faces again, he has been lying to me,doing some of the same things he used to do,maybe not all the things but some of them, and it hurts to know that after telling me that i wouldnt have to worry about that stuff anymore that he can put me through this again,he tells me that he loves me but he also says things like,i'm going to do what i want whether you like it or not,how can he really love me? and how can he constantly tell me that he is going to stop what he is doing and that he realizes how much it hurts me and keep doing it? i really need some advice,we have worked so hard at this marriage,and finally were happy with each other, and it seems that none of that ever happened, was it just a dream? thanks.

[Liz]

Hi there,

I wodner what it is about being back in your home town that affects him. Do you have any idea? Are you different when you're there too.

have you thought of getting some help with whatever the issues are. you could consider cousnellign to help you get to the bottom of things. Another possibility is something like Enrich (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/marenhnonres/prepinc/) or Refoccus (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/marenhnonres/foccus/) (USA tel: 888-874-2684 ). These are inventories - you can do Refoccus on the internet. You each separately answer a whole batch of questions about your attitudes, actions and background and tehn the too responses are assessed and you get feedback what are your strong points and your growth points as a couple. It helps identify areas that you can work at, and gives you confidence in the good things in your relationship.

Best wishes

Liz

[Unregistered]

i think he does change, due to his parents, and siblings, not that they are really that bad, just that he acts like a different person, totally. his dad is kind of the BOSS of the family, and i think he tries to be like that the more he is around them, as far as i am concerned, i dont think i change in my hometown, but maybe i do. thanks for your advice, i will try that out. the last of couple of days has been ok, more like the old him, but im afraid it will change again, he seems to be alright for a couple of days, and then it goes right back to the same old thing. thanks again.