Unregistered
3rd July 2003, 11:01 PM
I've been looking everywhere for information/help and found this place.
I'm stuck, me and my husband are having problems. We've been together 11 years, married for 3 and our 1st child was born 8mths ago. Things have been difficult - as they usually are when something this big happens in a relationship, but for the last 2mths he has basically said, he's unhappy, he thinks we've been unhappy for a very long time - before our daughter came along, and he doesn't know what we can do to make things change.
About 4 years ago we went to Relate, but to be honest, it wasn't much use. We only ever discussed minor niggles, and never got to any major problems, and after 6 sessions, the therapist basically stopped the sessions. And because of that, he is doesn't want to try counselling again.
He says that he does love me, and I definitely love him, but there's a great big brick wall between us. We try to talk, but nothing ever gets resolved. When I ask what he wants, how he would like us to be, he doesn't know. I get frustrated, he gets annoyed, and we get no-where, except more unhappy.
I've bought a couple of books, but to be honest, he doesn't think "it's his kind of thing, but if I want, we can try it". It's the same apathy with anything at the moment. He doesn't think anyone can change, but I think people can - and that's just another argument I don't like having.
I had a quick look to find a local counsellor - just to see if we could at least try (I really think we need someone to help with our communication), but I'm finding it really difficult to find someone. Relate is pretty much a no-no, and it's difficult to get people to look after our daughter on a regular basis, without 'advertising' that we're getting therapy ! That's if I could even get him to go.
Does anyone have any suggestions of where to go from here?
I'm stuck, me and my husband are having problems. We've been together 11 years, married for 3 and our 1st child was born 8mths ago. Things have been difficult - as they usually are when something this big happens in a relationship, but for the last 2mths he has basically said, he's unhappy, he thinks we've been unhappy for a very long time - before our daughter came along, and he doesn't know what we can do to make things change.
About 4 years ago we went to Relate, but to be honest, it wasn't much use. We only ever discussed minor niggles, and never got to any major problems, and after 6 sessions, the therapist basically stopped the sessions. And because of that, he is doesn't want to try counselling again.
He says that he does love me, and I definitely love him, but there's a great big brick wall between us. We try to talk, but nothing ever gets resolved. When I ask what he wants, how he would like us to be, he doesn't know. I get frustrated, he gets annoyed, and we get no-where, except more unhappy.
I've bought a couple of books, but to be honest, he doesn't think "it's his kind of thing, but if I want, we can try it". It's the same apathy with anything at the moment. He doesn't think anyone can change, but I think people can - and that's just another argument I don't like having.
I had a quick look to find a local counsellor - just to see if we could at least try (I really think we need someone to help with our communication), but I'm finding it really difficult to find someone. Relate is pretty much a no-no, and it's difficult to get people to look after our daughter on a regular basis, without 'advertising' that we're getting therapy ! That's if I could even get him to go.
Does anyone have any suggestions of where to go from here?