Unregistered
3rd July 2003, 07:45 PM
My husband and I have had our ups and downs, but we've always managed to work through our problems - even the really big ones.
We're currently going through a rough time. He's been out of work (not the first time) since March and I know he's quite worried about it. I try not to push him too hard to talk about his feelings because it will only upset him more. I let him talk to me when he feels like it - usually after he's had a few drinks.
Things have been a little testy between us, but it's the usual bickering that probably happens in all marriages (we're together 20 years).
My problem is, we haven't had sex in about 3 months. I can't remember a time when we've gone this long without it. Personally, I'm going through menopause and have absolutely no sex drive, so it really doesn't matter to me whether we have sex or not. But I know that this is not normal. Even when I haven't been "in the modd" in the past, once we get going, everything feels good and right. As for him, he, too, has no desire. (I find this hard to believe as I am of the opinion that men would have sex 10 times a day if they had the energy, the resources and the willing partner). I even said to my husband, "I thought men wanted sex all the time." He said nothing. We've discussed our lack of a sex life and have assured each other that "it's not you." We both feel about the same way. We don't feel sexy, although it has nothing to do with the love we feel for each other. We both have gained a bit of weight over the past year and feel like fat, ugly pigs.
We recently ordered a weight loss program. I told my husband that, "maybe if we looked sexier, we'd FEEL sexier." He totally agreed with me.
In the meantime, we enjoy each other's company, love each other as we always have, but just have no sex. Has our relationship turned more into something like siblings rather than spouses? Could our lack of sex be attributed to our poor self image of our bodies (To be honest, I find his huge stomach and fat, flabby thighs to be a total turn-OFF. I'm sure he doesn't find my flab all that arousing either! I know I don't.)
Would appreciate any advice or opinions. Thanks!!!
We're currently going through a rough time. He's been out of work (not the first time) since March and I know he's quite worried about it. I try not to push him too hard to talk about his feelings because it will only upset him more. I let him talk to me when he feels like it - usually after he's had a few drinks.
Things have been a little testy between us, but it's the usual bickering that probably happens in all marriages (we're together 20 years).
My problem is, we haven't had sex in about 3 months. I can't remember a time when we've gone this long without it. Personally, I'm going through menopause and have absolutely no sex drive, so it really doesn't matter to me whether we have sex or not. But I know that this is not normal. Even when I haven't been "in the modd" in the past, once we get going, everything feels good and right. As for him, he, too, has no desire. (I find this hard to believe as I am of the opinion that men would have sex 10 times a day if they had the energy, the resources and the willing partner). I even said to my husband, "I thought men wanted sex all the time." He said nothing. We've discussed our lack of a sex life and have assured each other that "it's not you." We both feel about the same way. We don't feel sexy, although it has nothing to do with the love we feel for each other. We both have gained a bit of weight over the past year and feel like fat, ugly pigs.
We recently ordered a weight loss program. I told my husband that, "maybe if we looked sexier, we'd FEEL sexier." He totally agreed with me.
In the meantime, we enjoy each other's company, love each other as we always have, but just have no sex. Has our relationship turned more into something like siblings rather than spouses? Could our lack of sex be attributed to our poor self image of our bodies (To be honest, I find his huge stomach and fat, flabby thighs to be a total turn-OFF. I'm sure he doesn't find my flab all that arousing either! I know I don't.)
Would appreciate any advice or opinions. Thanks!!!