is it time to give up and move on

[kez]

Well hubby and me had been married for 16 years with 2 sons 18 and 12, it hasnt been a perfect marriage but whos is?
the youngest son is disable and will live the rest of his life with me.
Well l turned forty and hubby walked out the door.
Got a new hair cut dyed it blonde, got a nipple ring, and ran of with a 24 year old. he is 38 years old.
He has been gone three months now, but has returned 3 times saying he loves us and dosent want to lose us, and he is sorry and dosent know why he did it.
then would stay a few days then leave saying he dosent think it will work, and he cant do it,
Then returns back to the girl, l know people would think hey let go.
But the man l married is not the man now. and l keep hoping he will return as the old hubby.
he always worked hard as a night shift worker, so l always did everything from mowing the lawns to putting the rubbish out taking care of the kids, full time mum.
Well hubby is now saying he dosent want to be told what to do.
he wants to live the single life, do what he wants when he wants.
l know he is running after the girl like he is 16 again...
He turned all our lifes upside down and didnt shed a tear.
The problem is now he wants to have his disable son on a sunday with his new girl.
But one thing that gets to me is that when he was in the home he didnt bother much with his son. he dosent know how to do sign language to his son to communicate, and the speech that the son has.His father dosent know what he is saying.
So is he just using his son to hold on to the family home as well as have his single life and girlfriend on the side.
l have now stopped contact so we can breathe for a little while, and try to get on with life. am l doing the right thing?
l always thought we would be together forever.

[Unregistered]

Hello dear. I'm sorry to hear about your troubled marriage. I, too, am married 16 years (17 this December) and am not much older than you. We don't have any kids (the smartest decision I ever made in my life, as far as I'm concerned. To have had a child with my husband would have probably ended our marriage a long time ago, but that's another story). Your husband sounds like he's going through a typical mid-life crisis. As for wanting to spend more time with your disabled son, it sounds to me like he's trying to impress his young girlfriend with an example of what a "kind, caring, wonderful Dad" he is! Sounds like a load of, as you Brits say, RUBBISH to me!
I would tell him straight to his face that he's a cad for trying to make appearances like he's some sort of caring Dad when, in fact, he never spent that much time with your son before!
I also find that, unfortunately, many people, not just men, get to a point in their lives where they regret getting married, they regret having children (oh, it's true, as much as many parents hate to admit that many people really DO feel that way), and that they regret getting older. Well, we can't help get older. But we can end our marriages, we can leave our children. Some people have more selfishness than integrity, it's just a fact. I'm sorry your husband is treating you like such garbage. I'd look into a marriage counselor, or even just a therapist for your own emotional well-being. Just my 2 cents. Good luck

[martinfromsthelens]

i agree very much with that last post unfortunately marriages dont last till death du us part but till an affair do us part.
Mid life crisises are real although most guys are happy to show it by just trying to look younger and maybe start getting the train set out again.
you are being humiliated and yrs it looks as though he is using your son as a tool for his sinister ongoings.
The good thing here in part is that you are aware of all this so making a decision on what to do. though difficult.is a little easier.
These affairs usually run their course in the short term and i can bet that the young woman will move onto someone else youve got to get through to him that hes got to decide what he wants.
When she does dump him hell know what it feels like.

[kez]

Well it has been now 2 weeks since l stopped contact with the husband, My eldest son smiled for the first time in three months.
l just find it hard when the youngest son ask for daddy as he dosent understand,
l am now in counseling for my emotions. l have lost 2 and half stone through the break down of my marriage, but the sun does come up every morning and there is a new day,
and l have to believe that life can get better.
so thanks for the advice
as we would say here in australia
thanks mate.
all the best kez