Unreasonable

[butcher]

For the first 7 years of our marriage we never went to my mother and dads for anything. Nothing. No Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter. I said enough and we started to go to their place on Christmas Eve and invited them up on Thanksgiving. It took 3 years to get my wife to stay home with me on Thanksgiving. I can remember her slamming the kids in the mini van and driving away to her aunt's house. Her mother has had Christmas every year from noon until 6,7,8 or sometimes 10 pm for the last 23 years. I own a Grocery Store and work until 1pm and then go to their Christmas. We have little or no time for our own Christmas. I believe it is time to stop this maddness. We are in our 40's and I was thinking the other day we may still be going up there when we are 50. We have children in their 20's who will hopefully be bringing home parners soon for the holidays and I would sure like to spend some time with them. When I said something about this to my wife she almost started to cry. Am I being unreasonable here?

[Liz]

Perhaps your not being unreasonable, but it's obvious that you don't understand each other on this issue.

Perhaps you could both sit down and write down what these times mean to you and how you feel about your family and each others family and then share that with each other. It might prove painful, but you could agree to read what's said and then try to understand it rather than argue with each other about it. Try and stand in each others shoes at first rather than trying to defend or change each other.

It sounds as if your wife has very strong family ties. It may be that she doesn't get on easily with your family or it may be that she feels shy or inadequate when she's with them. It would be simple to try and guess what is going on inside her, but that's all it would be - a guess.

Hope you can find a way to talk thinsg trhough.

Liz :)