help

[bellaioo]

He has only been back a week and i feel i am making all the effort he dosen't seem to care, one minute he does something nice like giving me a hug the next he dosent seem care and keeps his distance ,he won't go to relate he says he is nearly 40 and unhappy . i have asked him what will make him happy and he dosent know .He is ready to walk away from his job because he runs a company for my dad so he would lose everything his job his home his car everything why is he so unhappy ? I teted him this morning to ask him to try and he texted me back saying sorry there is nothing there be strong your a good person it is not you but me. I did ask him again if there anyone esle involved he says not and i have never trusted him but he has been on 2golfholidays already this year and plays golf all weekend and i have never questined it. I have asked him to give a year to try and sort our marriage out it has taken that long to break down yes we have drifted apart but i know we can get back on track if given some time.I feel so alone he has never spoke about his feelings and says he can't he says i go on and on but i just need some answers. we have been married 14 years been together 20 years also i am acatholic so i beleive marraige is for life he isn't but has always said our marraige is for keeps and he would never do that to our daughters now he says children are tough they would cope. WHERE DO I FROM HERE ? HE IS STILL WANTING TO MAKE LOVE .I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?

Previous thread (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1203)

[martinfromsthelens]

i have had to read all your posts again as i know you have been in turmoil for a couple of months now,and over this period there have been lots of suggestions and comments ive got to admit snarley this one is very difficult and there seems to be an underlying issue or more than one that hasnt been adressed.
Do you think he may be suffering from depression ? guys will not openly admit to it in the same way that women do because its not considered to be the male thing to do.He is also approaching 40 which is an age when many men begin to question their very existance!! I also wonder how you and your losing the baby may have affected him even if his feelings have been masked.
I am a guy just a little older and i am trying to rationalise what he is thinking and maybe reason but some of the things you speak of just dont seem to add up despite your best efforts.
I cant imagine how frustrating you must feel at not knowing where you are.As has been said on previous posts you musnt blame yourself and you must try to keep some sort of sense of
hope here if not for the future for yourself.

my own experience is that if this continues to go on in its present course you will both end up hating eachother as it will have run its course and there will be no more avenues to go down.
As for him still wanting the sex it must hurt you to give in knowing that the love is not there to go with it.
i wish there was more i could say and maybe there will be someone
reading this who may be able to unlock the mystery.

If having done everything that has been suggested and everything uour heart has told you,there still remains with nanyprogress then at the end of the day you have to make a hard decision if you are both being punished by staying together
the only thing left to do is make some tough but real decisions/

[bellaioo]

Thanks for your advice,
I was in a bit of a state yesterday having thought he was going to give our marriage a try then for him to be told he can't ,having talked to him he says he will give it longer we have a holiday booked for august and he asked i couple of times if we should go ,but i think we should.Last night i asked him to start at trying to be friends first i told him i don't want any hugs or kisses or sex just because he thinks he has to but only he if he wants to because i am confused to me these things are what you do with someone you have feelings for .He asked if he should sleep on the settee but i said no if we grow too far apart there may be no going back.He has had counsiling for a drink problem gave up for six months but is now drinking again he has a problem with his liver and is suppose to have a blood test every 6 weeks but is refusing to go back.He has been on antidepressents on and off for years he is always either very happy or very down .he has hurt me so bad he says it isn't me it is him but if i havent changed why dosent he love .Maybe he has had to easy he has never done anything around the house he can't cook he hardly every has the children .

[bellaioo]

The woman he works with has just spilt up with her husband and he says she is like abutterfly emerging from along sleep . she is enjoying life and is aboard at the moment .Maybe he has seen her having fun and wants some .He works very closly with her and he says they are great friends.It was her starsign he was comparinghis to, to see if they were compatable ,he says he was just messing .He also tool her to the airport and is picking her up at 2.30 saturday morning.He texted me yesterday to say she has asked him to go and see r .williams with her with another friend at the end of june in ednibough but would understand if i didnt want him to.so he has been talking to her .I still think they relationship is more then he says maybe he sees what he hasnt got and wants it i know a new relationship is exciting.He says he wants to feel like the only person in the room. but he is to me

[bellaioo]

I check the site everyday to see if anyone has any advice.I feel my life is upside down, I have tried speajing to my husband and have tried to take the pressure off him,as i felt he was only cuddling me and making love because he felt he had to so i said that unless he wanted to then i would understand ,but it's pure hell to be with someone you love and not be able to touch them or cuddle up to Idon't know if i did the right thing there seems to be agreater distance between us now.I don't know what to say to him if i push it i know he will probably walk away he is being all cuddly with our daughters laughing and joking then when they are not in the room he goes all quiet again and i am struggling to make conversation do i need to give him more time or what it is so hard my world is falling apart and i have to pretend everything is fine .sorry to keep on but it helps to write it down.Any suggestions