betrayal

[tess1960]

I have been married for about 24 years. Last September, I found out that my husband had been talking to a woman 13 years younger than him. He told me that she called him and he asked her not to call back, that he would call her. They talked off and on for about 6 weeks. At first he felt that there was nothing wrong with it because he thought that they were going to be just friends. Then she started saying little things that he said made him feel uncomfortable. She eventually told him that she was moving south with her husband and child. He told me that she was going to call me if he didn't keep talking to her. To make sure that she didn't do that he did call her up until a couple of days before she left. There was no physical attraction or emotional attachment, he knew that it was wrong. He was afraid that I would find out and leave. We have always had a good marriage and have wonderful sons. He lost his best friend about a year ago and said that he just wanted someone to like him for him, not because he worked with them or that they were family. I can understand that. We are working through this. She did move and he did sever all ties with her. Our telephone number has been changed. Should I trust him again? Please help.

[Kate]

I'm sure you feel betrayed even though nothing major happened adn it probably helps to admit that to yourself.

It appears that some men get drawn into things and after their first mistake turn over a new leaf, while others don't seem able or willing to stop straying. There are some good articles on affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) on the site and also one about rebuilding trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/) which you mgiht find helpful.

It's good that you are trying to work through these problems, so in answer to should you trust him, I'd say, yes, but make sure you both understand what is involved in trusting again.

All the best

Kate

[martinfromsthelens]

i agree with kate you have got to give him the benefit of the doubt because he has kept you informed throughout.
This is not a typical story so i dont think its gonna be a typical ending!!

keep working at this hes not a bad guy if hes kept you involved just let him know that he needs to be more concerned for you moreso than anyone else!
your feelings should be paramount to him if you are mot happy with his involvement with this girls problems tell him alternatively say you will try to help her........you will find out then !!

[Unregistered]

I have had a similar issue with my husband of 19 years. It started out with a friend from my work came over for dinner with her boyfriend. Her and my husband hit it off right away..they are both artistic type people..well the next day she asked me for his email address so that she could send him a thank you card. She did just that...he added her name to his instant messnger and started to chat with her..started off completely harmless..ended up he was willing to leave me to pursue her...she wanted nothing more than friendship from him, she is madly in love with her boyfriend. she made this very clear to him and he started phoning her and sending her emails all the time.
well one day at work I went over to talk to her and her instant messenger pops up and it is MY HUSBAND asking her if she is going to call him.I was flabbergasted! She said that they had been talking online and started to tell me about his feelings..which I knew nothing about! When I confronted him about it he said that he wanted to pursue her, when I told him that if he continued to pursue her we were finished he chose to pursue her! She told him FLAT OUT NO! It was not a sexual interest, just an emotional one. I think I may have understood a sexual betrayal more than an emotional one. If he feels like he cannot talk to me then maybe he does not trust me and I am not sure now if I can trust him. We are still together, but I still question his faithfullness. In the end, he chose me and stop all communications with her...but would he have done the same had she wanted a relationship??? I guess I will never know.

[ECHEK]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by martinfromsthelens
[B]i agree with kate you have got to give him the benefit of the doubt because he has kept you informed throughout.
This is not a typical story so i dont think its gonna be a typical ending!!

keep working at this hes not a bad guy if hes kept you involved just let him know that he needs to be more concerned for you moreso than anyone else!
your feelings should be paramount to him if you are mot happy with his involvement with this girls problems tell him alternatively s ay you will try to help her........you will find out then !! [




40 year marriage on the rock for the same reason . the guess when the can't play any more they become ifatuated with the thought some one might pay attention to them. i ask mine if he would like me to have male friends? SAid great if i want to . This is a forty marriage i can't believe the old ------------. i am asking for prayers for help . The last 3 years he has not been able to play i have tried to get him to go to the DR. ALSO ! MARRIAGE COUNCEL .nO SUCH LUCK ! wHAT I CAN i DO WHAT DOES hE NEED OR WANT ? bY THE WAY iHAD TOLD HIM MY SISTER IN LAW WAS UPSETTING ME CALLING EVERONE BUT ME IN CONFIDENCE NOW THE ON COMPUTER PALS WITH HER. HE CONTACTS HER AND TELLS HER HOW JEASOULS I AM OF THEM . iS THIS FANASTY TIME FOR THEM . iTOLD HIM IT WAS bETRAYAL . thEY CLAIM THEY HAVE PRIVATE TIMES TO COMPLAIN ABOUT US. i tried talking it out with him, he becomes frozen , i don't care . WE were a happy couple church going happy . Need prayers for the lord to show me the way.